Endless Winter

Where is my home?

2011-09-24T13:05:00.001+08:00

It's not that we choose to be prodigals. Drizzling. We have no home to return to...

After such a long gap, I guess I will start with something recent. I went back to Hong Kong during the September holidays, just to catch up with myself and to have some rest... I guess it's not such a bad decision after all (:

For this trip, I stayed with my aunt. It's so amazing to know that there's still secluded areas in HK, with villas and small bungalows in the middle of a hill... All the people there travel by cars, so poor me have to walk downhill for 15 minutes to reach the train station (hehe, train station, not MRT/MTR). All's quite cool, given that I am given Taxi allowances so that I can rush back if I am late (so that they won't worry). Of course, I am glad that I brought proper clothes back, so that I look more like a white collar than a teenager, so that I can avoid all the strange glances and the risk of being kidnapped XD The environment is so good, with such a cool view, I guess it's really cool other than the part about walking. I wonder if it's because I am staying at such a secluded location or the transport costs have increased to sky high, since I spend SGD 1.50 each time travelling out to the town...

The view is so nice from the ferry, isn't it? Went to do all the things I thought I will never do again in HK. Took a huge detour to see the place which I lived in the past, took the old ferry across the sea from Kowloon to Hong Kong island, walked to all the places which I liked so much in my childhood, I think the only thing I missed was Ocean Park and its cable car (: So many things have changed since then, people learned how to speak better mandarin (at the expense of their English XP )

Used to feel that Hong Kong is my true home. Singapore is where I will study and work to contribute to the country, repay what it gave me and then retire to HK or Vancouver. Used to feel that I belong there. I thought it was meant to be. Hence, I would get hold of all sorts of opportunities to go out alone to take pictures, to take the MTR(MRT) at peak hours and many other funny things. I thought I need to use that limited time I had to experience all of HK and be like one of them there.

I guess, that naivety was so strong I thought it was my life's belief. Then I realised, there's no such thing as a permanent home. Because the home is where the heart is. I miss HK because of all the loved ones I have over there, I miss HK because it is where I can reunite with my friends and family. It was never because of what HK is. When I am about to leave, I saw the new Hong Kong Tourism Board slogan and the new spokesperson, Chow Yun Fat. "Tell Your Own Hong Kong Story". I guess it's kind of true, because HK is about what we feel and know about it. We all have our own unique story entwined with it.
Listening to "Home" by Kit Chan always make me teary, since the idea of a home that warm and ideal is so appealing and unrealistic, not to be found in this world. What is Home? Where is Home? I would say Home is where you feel comfortable and safe, Home gives you warmth and acceptance. Haha, this concept is bearing some resemblance to spiritual self-fulfilment XP Always hear talk about patriotism, nationalism, pride in the nation and immigrants being parasites. To me, there's no such thing as a permanent home, it doesn't exist. Why must there be strict boundaries defining who we are? Humans are not united by their complexion, their nationality or any physical criteria. We are united in our beliefs, our faith, our ideologies and our vision. But, there's always that set of traditional Chinese values which dictate that fallen leaves must return to their roots, that there's a certain degree of agony in leaving one's homeland. The tragedy in this is that, when one returns to his homeland to find that all has changed, the acceptance, the familiarity and the beauty had left. Where then is his home? I think I understand that feeling now. Because what we view as home is constructed by our imagination due to the yearning in the heart. Reality is cruel, though we have no one to blame but ourselves...

Heart is all that matters.

2011-07-04T21:44:00.002+08:00

The most touching thing on Earth is the heart. Sunny. Nothing can conceal the heart.
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Each one of us live among thousands of other humans everyday, and over time, we start to adapt and behave in a certain way. Many people nowadays lament a loss in the innocence which we held when we were children, or the lost of the initial passion in their work, studies and many other areas. Those who do not really understand blames this on the society and the contortion enforced upon them that forced them to change their mindset, however, I beg to differ. The heart is the most important and the effect of a person's life comes from the bottom of his heart.
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I got engaged in a discussion about singers and their singing recently, all that about Celine Dion, Mariah Carey, Leona Lewis and many others. It led me to think about them and the songs they sang. I start to understand why we favour them singing live compared to recordings. They may not hit all the notes as in recordings, but they sing with their emotions and they move their crowd with their heart. The idea about Susan Boyle simply came into my mind. I do not know if any of you out there remembered, but I actually preferred her first performance of I dreamed a dream compared to her final performance. I thought she touched me during her first performance. Her performance during the finals was better in terms of the technique, the strength, the background and etc, however, there wasn't any more emotions that touched me. The angst about a dream killed by Life was lost already...
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A chat among friends led to Stomp today (astonishingly without a link, I know), and eventually the reserved seats. Deep inside, we all know we need to give our seats to people who need them more than us, don't we? I am not sure how many of you do, but for me, I would give my seat to a weary white collar during peak hours just because I know he needs it more than I do, not because he has white hair or she is pregnant. However, people in this nation fail, even after the hideous distinct colouring of seats which was meant to prompt. People start to blame the environment, start to blame others, start to blame education and many others. There is no such thing as a righteous crime, you only do wrong when you lose your morals, do not blame it on anything...

I watched a drama serial that was Margaret Thatcher's favourite recently, "Yes, Minister". In the drama serial, the Minister battles the bureaucracy and struggles to abolish the unnecessary hierarchy and abominable red tape. He was stopped repeatedly by his technocratic, bureaucratic secretary and succeeded in few areas, but he remained true to himself, trying again and again, failing again and again. He might be viewed as stupid and unskilled, but he is respected for his passion.
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On Friday, some classmate of mine shouted at another for shaking his legs during the exams. "AS IF WEARING EARPLUGS WAS NOT ENOUGH, YOU HAVE TO DISTURB ME BY SHAKING YOUR LEGS!" Haha, I guess that explains well why we always have a bad impression and prejudice against PRCs. You are such a rude and self-centered snob that I wanted to silence you right on the spot. In the exam, you are only expected to look to the heavens for help, look down to think of the hell you are in and at the paper to get over with. WHO ASKED YOU TO LOOK AT OTHER'S LEGS?? I guess no matter how you disguise yourself with all that formalities and those fake things, you are still that person inside. The exam wasn't that bad until you have to push the blame onto somebody else. You are still that bloody barbaric Philistine in heart, nothing has changed. If you continue to hold on to that obnoxious and haughty attitude, thinking that all the rest of us are fools, I don't think any amount of education will be able to save you.
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Went to Batam with a bunch of friends in the holidays. In retrospect, we haven't actually achieved much, but I know all of us put in our heart and soul into doing it, so it didn't really matter if we did alot. The children were really happy to have us around, and I'm glad all of us managed to see from a different perspective.
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In conclusion, we may be judged according to our actions, but that is because they attempt to decipher our actions and understand our heart. Do not fear about not being understood, just stay true to your heart. If you are living what your heart tells you to, there's no doubt that you will manage to let others see what you feel for.
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You can't conceal what you thought, just like how I didn't manage to hide what I felt.

I have Hope

2011-05-19T23:53:00.000+08:00

Time flies. Cool. Some things don't change.

I am back, after a month of Hiatus, which isn't exactly a break since I'm forced to abandon blogging as tests draw near. Many major events happened in this past month or so, polling day, tests, trip to the Dog park and many other funny stuff. I guess there's alot to catch up on, and I hope I don't miss out anything...

First things first. I hereby salute Mr. George Yeo for his services to the nation and declare my utmost respect for the man who contributed to Singapore's clean, efficicent and friendly international image among our international trading partners/allies alike.

That only shows that PAP has itself to blame and nobody else. Haha, Congratulations to Mr. Low and team. I have to say that the GRC system led to this current situation; one shouldn't push the blame on WP or anybody else. Such audacity to think that Singaporeans are not gutsy enough. I am so glad people proved them wrong. Mr. Yeo is not wrong, nor at fault, he's just at the wrong place at the wrong time. For too long they have been blinded by their ego and self-righteousness. No one/party is omni-potent and omni-conscious. They're not God. Stop telling us what you think is right and start listening to us XD The WP might be the barbarians whom you depuict them to be, or so they admit, but they are willing to learn, willing to listen and they know what we want. Obviously PAP won't know how expensive things have become...

However, it's encouraging to see some changes and see the ruling oarty's attempt to placate us. Well, it's such a comfort to see Wong Kan Seng, OUT. Raymond Lim OUT. Mah Bow Tan OUT. Haha, if I've known that they won't be used in the future cabinet, I did rather Nicole Seah/Chiam See Tong uproot them once and for all XP Its so hilarious to see some PAP supporters flame on forums: 'OI, IF YOU'RE KICKING THEM OUT, WHY SHOULD I EVEN VOTE FOR HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE?'

The truth is, Singapore will still move on without one or two individuals, and it is not true that there are individuals who can't be replaced, maybe except our dearest ______ to some people (I wonder if it means that only he is entitled to that post since GCT is only appointed Emeritus SM...) Today, we should move on and be the strongest nation, bonded by our seek for fraternity, equality, liberty and prosperity (haha, I thing the fourth aim is added in and constantly over-emphasised by PAP...)

School. What does this word mean to you today? Studies? Homework? CCA? Results? Teachers? Friends? How many of us really think of school as a place for us to gain knowledge? I have to say many things happened to the current education system today that it breeds elitism, segregation and conformation.

Our school is a brilliant example. What more prominent than a school with over 95% (maybe more) Chinese? The racism and prejudice has developed to such an extent that it is almost a norm in the school. Where is the racial harmony? Where is the acceptance for other cultures? That many announcements ard the school montage is in Chinese shows the blatant disregard we have the minority. Others show it when they interact with other races or people outside. The B______ word seem to be a proper name for all South Asians and they view people with such xenophobia that they generalize some groups as thieves...

'The educated people will vote for PAP.' This is something one would hear from an __ian. I am so ashamed to be addressed in the same group/category as this ignorant pompous fool. Our school is a beneficiary from the extremely skewed education system, with rumours floating around about our school's CCA annual funds being larger than a neighbourhood school's annual budget. Of course you would support the PAP, they're the best to you. What about those who were left behind? You don't care. What about those who need help? It doesn't matter to you since PAP treats you well? It's ignorance at least, arrogance at large. No wonder we have such a strange design for school uniform. I can foresee a whole bunch of apathetic PAP leaders coming out of our school...

The school syllabus might be broad based, but deep inside, it's still down to rote learning. We're still not much more different from decades ago. People are still assessed on how well they manage to regurgitate. The so called changes in the assessments only serve to drive educators harder to come up with more advanced teaching methods, aiming to cramp all the excess and unneeded information into every students' brain. Nothing has improved, maybe it has worsened...

Nevertheless, we have hope. Change can start from us. In order to make your opinions heard, you need be strong. The largest irony in Sir Ken Robinson and other pioneer educators must be the fact that they succeeded and prospered in the flawed system and now stands in a good position to criticize and reform it. One day, we can, and we will change into what we believe in. In the meantime, we leave it up to those in the system who really feel for what they are doing to keep the system going. I have to say I am very inspired by certain teachers this year. They've showed the perfect balance between professionalism, passion and humanism. We can count on them to inspire change, though they may not be in the position to bring the change themselves.

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Despair is not what I need.

Are we more shaped by environment or do we shape it?

2011-04-20T18:14:00.000+08:00

Something is wrong in our society. It is not the environment any more. Rainy. It's the mindset.

After so many years in this country, I've adapted the Singaporean English, the Singaporean Mandarin (which I assure you is way better than the way we speak it from where I come from) and also the Singaporean tastebud. However, there are always things I never manage to understand.

Case 1:

When the first coloured "reserved" seats came out, I wondered, wasn't the whole row mean for the more needy in the first place? Japanese, British and Americans alike will probably be astounded. Ok, maybe we need some rules to help us do the right things. Yet, EVEN then, there are so many instances of indifferent Singaporeans sitting in those seats while looking at the pregnant lady or elderly in front of them, like as if nothing is wrong. I would not even like to comment on those who fell asleep so magically when they see needy passengers.

Case 2:
Recently, I witnessed another thing I thought I would only get to see on newspapers or commentaries outside of Singapore. What is the point? Cabbing in for a free cone. How ironic. To a certain extent the company is trying to do product promotion and customer sales analysis. However, anyone notice the charitable nature of this event? So many people were insouciant when getting their ice cream, as if the booth asking for donations is invisible. Ignorance is forgiven, yet then I see people reading with the flyers, before playing with them by throwing it around... I am so affected by this scene... It is so offending. I dare not say the people from where I come from will not go for a second or third serving, but I can assure you, we respect those in need and those who offer a helping hand
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The argument about giving support in reflecting customer opinion and hence eating more cones is bad, you just need a cone. The fact that you are only concerned over exploiting the opportunity and getting the free cone is accentuated by the fact that you do not really care even bother to donate. I am so amazed that you can eat it so unabashedly, without worrying that you may be seen as being greedy.

I have to say I'm disappointed. As how critics and comics slammed alike, a number of Singaporeans rush for free gifts, run away from donations. I didn't believe it, I chose to trust all of us to be the civilised citizens and compassionate people, yet some of us turn out to be, I know its harsh, but, cheapskate (using the Singaporean Lingo).

The majority cares and progresses on, but this minority taints the reputation and image just like the exagerrated and negative portrayal of the way we speak English.

Debate:
So is it our mindset that shapes the environment or is it the environment that makes us behave in such a way? To a certain extent, I have to say the environment plays a big part. I am not sure on whether people from where I come from are really willing to give up their seats to the needy when they do it, as doing otherwise will draw unwanted attention and unflattering glares from onlookers.

Donations are often very generous, though people walked quickly and won't bother to scrutinise unless it is really suspicious. It's really hard to believe that in view of this recent Japanese earthquake, there are numerous individuals donating more than the Singaporean government... Not flaunting, those people are filthy rich, I admit, but I don't believe we're that poor either...

The entire society is characterised by efficiency and speed being the raison d'etre, where people are made to stroll only on the side of walkways, leaving the centre portion for people walking in wide strides, doing their jobs like as if there is no tomorrow.

read an article on http://www.myfiftycentsworth.blogspot.com/ recently, which talks about the education being over focused on mathematics and science, with a “hierarchy” of subjects, Mathematics and Sciences ranking at the top, followed by languages and humanities such as Economics and History.

In this case, does the sytem necessarily matter? What do you think will happen one day if we have philosophy, architecture and music as compulsory subjects? I can foresee students complaining about haveing the additional burden of more subjects, parents writing to the ministry to question the rationale of wasting their children's time on the so called "not useful" subjects. Our society already has the prejudgment that the only way to success in life is in the science and math stream. The cliche prejudice that artists and musicians not being successful careers still stands today.

Even if given a choice, few would dare to choose. Despite how much we want to deny it, we are uncertain on the career prospects of the arts stream. Before we ask for a change in system, I would say we need a change in mindset. One day, when you realise that our society has had enough of engineers and financial consultants, you will notice the appearance of musicians, aritists and many others. We have always been very utilitarian in our decisions concerning education.

I still have much more to say, but I guess they can wait...

Ordinary is luxury.

2011-03-28T23:03:00.000+08:00

I don't need life to be a bed of roses. Sunny. I just want a smoother journey.

Well, today after some thought, I’ve decided to write. Some time ago, I would choose not to post if there are no special events or so called “Revelations”. However, as time moves on, I kind of feel that life is packed with too much content and important things that are so tiring and bothersome. Things like our dearest P being as offensive as usual, Smiley face, mysterious K/CSM, Surely, all these occurrences are being less fun to mention as days pass. Then of course, the typical Year 6 routine, tests, tests and tests.

So I guess I'm just going to talk about a thing that I feel that I have lost over these 2 years -the Ordinary.

One most important thing I feel that I missed over these 2 years is to spend more time outside with my dogs... Well, going out with them used to be something I do once or twice a month. Bring Charles and Jojo back to where Charles came from, showing them the pool where they first swam in, let them meet up with their fellow dogs and give them the freedom to run in the park without a leash.

Hmm, he's so popular among the children and the adults. I don't know if you guys notice, but Cocker Spaniels have deep sunken eyes with a sorrowful gaze, as if they're hiding something sad. I wonder if that's me trying to impose my thoughts and feelings on him or he's genuinely affected by the fact that he left his sister Jojo at home and went out to have fun with us XP

I found my pair of suede boots at Ben Sherman in Paragon already... I guess that's something I'll bag home this weekend with another interesting, thick book on conspiracy theories. Haha, that is provided that I Pass and score a B for the chemistry test that I did today. I'm betting my whole weekend on it, please don't disappoint me... I spent the weekend memorising chemistry, doing chemistry worksheets and asking chemistry questions, I sincerely want to do well for this test... Help me...

Now to talk about something serious and fun at the same time. Some student went against P and it sparked off an active debate on why people dislike him so much. Throughout the discussion, people listed him as being racist, elitist, crude, rude, uneducated and possibly offensive. However, at that moment, I thought I can ignore whatever mindset he has, whatever purpose he has, whatever things he said, I can simply judge him on the advantages he has brought to the school.

That leads me to the question, can I really overlook his morality and character and accept him? Am I ready to move over his faults and deal with him solely with what he has accomplished? Winston Churchill was a heavy smoker, blunt and stubborn person, being rather offensive at times. Yet he is widely acclaimed as the one who led Britain to victory for WWII.

But if only the end product matter, that will make me a ruthless consequentialist. Despite being thankful for what he has done so far, I guess I have to voice my concern over his various shortcomings, such as his inability to excercise moral leadership and rampant nepotism among school staff. Freedom can be included. However, according to experience, I think all of us should accept the fact that performance and improved welfare at times come at the price of losing one's freedom.

Will talk about it next time.

Don't be so eager, since time will reveal everything.

I do not think many of you understand how important it is to me, getting a place where I can forget about my studies, just stare into blank space or the blue sky. It sounds pathetic, but it is true that I am enjoying the same freedom and space as Jojo and Charles. It is my favourite place, and I guess I am apologetic to both my dogs and myself for not taking some time to visit again.

But in some cases, I guess necessity takes over. Charles is 3 years old this year (21+ in age), yet all his life he has been following his elder sister that he has no idea how to play and go for walk alone. So I guess I had to bring him to WCP and also give myself some chance to gaze upon the other side of the blue Singapore sky. Here he is...

2011-03-09T20:40:00.002+08:00

Years have passed, yet something remains. Sunny. Give me a reason, just one is enough. Why??

Hmm, after much thought, I shall return to my usual way of documenting the a day in my own way. No more posts with abstract contexts or political touches. Something must be worth mentioning, just not sure what. You shall decide, haha, whoever's out there who so happens to stumble into my blog by accident. Anyone?? Haha, tag on the things you want me to talk about, I promise to write. Seriously, I am running out of content/ideas, and I think I'll write just anything...

Haha, as for the slimmed down version, the original post was here, but I shifted the entry to http://www.myfiftycentsworth.blogspot.com/, so check it out if you have time (:

After friday, everyone got so motivated to study and try their best. Everyone was thinking about having their names appear on the screen in 2011. Yet I am there thinking about the chemistry results, post mortem, if that's what you call it... Haha, hard to imagine and also quite a waste of time to think about a year later, if I were you. I mean that dream can only be achieved by starting work today. I'm in no position to criticize of course, but ya, you should get what I mean...

Today, we get another weird dialogue session, which was actually C trying to sum up his short stay with us. Well, you'll be missed, since we'll be scolded in singlish without any change and there won't be anyone who can stop K and save us from those quirky schemes which I think brings us harm instead of the benefits K claim they will bring.

There're those who have their dreams, there're those who choose to sip the cream of life slowly, there's those who have no dreams, nothing to enjoy, nobody to think about and choose to wait for something to drop from the sky. Haha, I guess, it isn't exactly a bad thing. I've been through this before, just that I didn't have a MEGA examination in 8 months then XP

I'm still waiting , thinking of what I want to do, what I can do and what I should do. In the mean time, I make sure I have the ability and others to back up my decision, which I hope comes soon... Well, for the first time in my life I wished I was more decisive and less easy going, other than the many times when you guys make me choose the place to eat at... I will succeed, I will, even if I don't see what I'll be succeeding in yet...

For the mean time, I'll work hard, let's assume I like Southampton or Bristol (: One thing's for sure though, I will not stay in Singapore if I had a choice. There's something in this system that disturbs me... The meritocracy which in reality evolved into elitism and people studying not for learning, but for achieving the desired grades...

The Kosong Prata gang gained momentum in the class, with the constant chanting of "School badge good, school tie better" in class and all thsoe shrewd, shameless product placements... Filter paper with the url scribbled on it, facebook, msn and whiteboards. I wonder what will come next, maybe tissue paper with that cutie's face printed on it being given out in the canteen and a huge portrait of him with that classic act cute smile being hung in the canteen... Something like... THIS??

I know this is quite overdue, but yes, I think you should get my idea now... Of course, we shouldn't focus on the looks, try reading the articles, they're worth the time. Unless you are really a genuine critic with no care for the school or what we're experiencing, then of course, don't waste your time.

There's something really wrong that's going on and I don't think we should take a back seat in this. Join in the active discussion and make yourself part of this??

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Memory is like a small puddle of water in a pair of hands. One can choose to let go or to hold it tightly by clenching the fist. Yet in the end, it still drips through the cracks in between the fingers, slipping out of your grasp.

2011-03-01T17:34:00.012+08:00

You can't make me more appreciative. Sunny. The issue wasn't with me all along.

I love my school, not the management and its policies...

2011-02-19T22:06:00.003+08:00

Some things are never fair. Sunny. But there're always ways to live with it.

Saturday was fun. I'm serious. Thanks S, L and H for making it such a great time. Sure, the 50 MCQs are tough, the second round was kind of regretful, but all in all, the laughter was unforgettable, all those classic moments of us clapping our hands and falling off chairs XD

Of course, I have to thank BBC and all for helping me make it to the top ten for the MCQ... I think it's quite a joke, but nevertheless, I have to say I'm quite proud of what we achieved. After all, KYC, we did kick out the school with the first initial 'D', then it means we're not that bad... Supposedly...

Recently, someone reminded me that instead of being the dissident, it's time to be the inspiration for the younger ones and others around me, to be encouraging always. so, here I am, writing what I think...

Life is never fair and speaking out against it, in my experience doesn't always improve things. So many people spoke to me, pouring out their frustration and how bad they felt, and it made me think and try to change... Deep inside, we'll always have issues, now it's with the school, soon it'll be with the society, the company and the superiors, so on. To those out there, still feeling so terrible and filled with anguish, take a step back, it doesn't always need to be so bitter and hard. Life's not a bed of roses, but neither is it such a thorny path that one has to complain and feel unhappy all the way. Like how Hans Christian Andersen says it, 'Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower.'. In some times of life, find the joy to lift your spirits. In other times, find some time to cool down and enjoy the gentle breeze in silence.

Visions and aspirations always serve to motivate, but when taken to extremes, they hurt. Mirages, illusions and dreams are those things you don't want to have; because you know well that concepts like perfect equality, meritocracy, liberty, fraternity and world peace don't exist. Black and white, clearly defined areas are pure imagination. Choosing doesn't have to be between extremes, wake up people. Life will never end up like how you dreamt it. I use to believe in the concept of active change and participation. But, what can you do? KYC might make many mistakes, but all in all, you can't win him. This is RV, this is society...

You cannot change many things in life, you can however, learn to accept and make the best out it. Change, starts from the heart...

Tests, tests and tests. Surely there's something I should do instead of doing this... Haha, but I guess this is something I wanted to say for a long time, so maybe I shouldn't feel that guilty...

2011-02-17T19:47:00.003+08:00

I hate, despise, loathe the life you think I should live. Sunny. I'm not being mocking, caustic, sardonic, I am just being defeatist in these plans and definitions you have.

I wonder how juniors will survive next year. The moment I heard that the moment you have a GPA of 3.4 and above, you'll have to take a third language such as Malay, I can't help but feel sorry for those guys. When K introduced the exemption plan, I kind of sighed, what a pity, I would've been exempted for 4 years, I can imagine myself spending months more overseas while the rest go for exams... Of course, I don't mean to flaunt, but come to think about it, haha, if I'm to be under this "Trilingual" scheme, I would've tried to make sure I have 3.3 GPA, haha, 9 A2s and 1 B4 to be exact. It's so hard to accept the fact that students who already try their best to do well in school have to be stressed with yet another subject. Of course, he always have funny things up for us, things like threatening to hang a PDA photo of RV couple outside General Office... Valentine's celebrations are encouraged to be held in school, so that certain groups can earn profits, and the principals can prevent PDA outside at JP XD

CCAs are "pruned" to the extent that they've became elitist, students pushed till they became belligerent towards studying, which is supposed to be driven by interest, the "Temples" of RV administration started to "seduce" overseas students. I guess the entire structure was corrupted from the beginning, so K is just a convenient scapegoat for our frustration, though I have to say that the so-called "solutions" he came up with isn't exactly working...

Valentine's this year can be considered quite different. People started behaving weirdly, lovebirds started popping out of nowhere, muddle-headed people blinded by love were so obvious with their scandalous smiles you find it hard to ignore. I don't really understand, all these came so quickly that it's starting to get confusing, just like that classic scene in Bambi where the protagonist is left out (: But I do agree they deserve something as beautiful like Love, in fact we all do, just not now. In the mean time, lovesick people like S with "I'm in love" should be shot so that they don't cause any emotional damage to those desperate lovebird wannabes XD

You have no idea what that word means, it's so vulgar when you describe it.

2011-02-07T19:34:00.003+08:00

I wonder if things actually improved. Sunny. Life's not about how you feel about yourself, but what you make others think about you.

Allow me to talk about some funny stuff last week, since today is basically a bore. I wonder, after so many lessons with H, how can he be that strict control freak they talk about? If he is indeed what they describe him as, I think he's a modern version of Jekyll and Hyde, given the fact that he can describe a simple jacket as the 'flasher' jacket, remember from Sun Wu Kong the 排骨精 which is nowhere near 白骨精, combine the essence of monk and nun to form mun and so many stuff... Of course, you can say he is kind of biased towards the smartypants in 6F, but I don't really agree if you say that we had that enormous power of changing him for 3 hours a week and leaving him to be Himself for the rest of the week...

If this quote came out last year, I think it would have well became the class quote/motto or whatsoever important text. L just gave us the biggest shock/inspiration without noticing it. Pardon me, it's going to be 6F jargon from this sentence onwards. 'In the late 19th century, there was that giant conflict between A.C and D.C, led by Tesla and Edison respectively... Edison felt that A.C cannot be used and invented the electric chair to show that A.C is highly dangerous.'. In the end, Tesla and science prevailed, as we all know. But some part of me feel that Edison was right, AC is dangerous and BAD. I wonder if people will be better convinced that AC is dangerous if Edison invented the SMOKING Chamber, where convicts are first blinded and SMOKED before being killed due to loss of sense of direction. Well, AC did kill a lot of people last year, though I kind of sympathize the juniors this year... Another massacre in view XD

Today wasn't exactly bad, I mean the Pineapple and Little Tree was cool Native American names, in addition to the ladylike 雪玲. Haha, T is kind of amusing, though I have to say I'm more appreciative of the way he teaches and phrases his points. A part of me kind of asked myself if I knew what I was doing in Econs last year... It was nowhere near this...

And yes, we know we're out of the top 6, but do some self-reflection before you berate us for the lack of academic results and character. I guess you also shouldn't expect too much out of a school with students who have BURNING DESIRES (欲火焚身). Haha, maybe ten years down the road we might praised for being the pioneering school in promoting a healthy birthrate XD You always want to be outstanding, why not try this? I'm quite sure we can make it into the top 6 popular schools if we provide free gynaecological services for students who are pregnant?

Ok, I'll try to be nice, since I'm going to ambush you in school tomorrow to do a petition. Nothing really matters anymore, since I trust that you're going to make me laugh even when trying to say something serious.

Maybe someday I'll really matter. In the mean time, I'll find my value elsewhere.

2011-01-26T22:47:00.008+08:00

There's always those 'WHAT IF's that come to haunt us in our lives. Pouring. I wish there was a 'what if' for us to blame on...

Many events happen around us and we tend to treat them as just another thing. Maybe that's why when we turn back then we realise we actually miss out alot. Haha, just like those times when we zoned out during the lecture and found ourselves entangled by the complicated concepts...

The new SC president came as a pleasant surprise. I still remember all those times we laughed, worked, discussed, sweated together. I think your passion and innocence is unforgettable. I know we might not seem so close, but I'm proud of you, junior (: Oh, no, I should address you as Ms. President now. Yes, I am impressed by the speech... I'm glad you started off not by saying things like leading us to some abstract concept, but with emphasising that 'To lead is to serve'. I wonder how much you remember from the times when all of us worked together with that burning flame and clear vision, but I hope you can see that wide horizon ahead. Jia you, you can right the wrongs...

Long time since I wrote, but I guess that's because I don't really know what to talk about. JC life is always the same, never different. Of course, I'm thankful that there's always something to look forward to, no matter how few there are.

I am catching up, I'm working harder; trying to convince myself that I know what and who I'm striving for. Sad to say, I'm just a normal person trying to find some comfort in knowing that tomorrow's going to pass rather quickly.

Haha, it's too quick to jump to conclusions to say that I'm emo-ing, maybe I'm just in a neutral state, smiling to the sun, not blaming the rain for the dull day, and feeling as light and fluffy as the white clouds.

Had a very delightful time with the juniors from CO. It really makes me wonder how time flies, all grown up and all so obedient and cute. I have a grand total of 7 juniors by now... That's alot and it's a comfort to know that they're all doing well in the various aspects of their lives...

Pretty girls beside a dorky guy. I guess I make a sharp contrast so that you girls can look better (: I wonder if you can get me a male junior soon XP Of course, you people are good enough, I don't need any more than that... You make me proud.

Mango paste with sago and pomelo. Haha, shan't descibe too much.

Walnut paste.

Shaved ice, haha let's not tempt you guys anymore...

-

So many people changed in this short period of time. Too many catalysts... I start to wonder if I've changed too. Maybe not, just a little cheekier and less articulate?? Time flies, things were so complete then. Maybe just not any more... I wish for a chance to go back, I pray for a chance to repent, yet I realise it's just dumb to count the number of 'what if's I have in my life. Countless.

2011-01-10T22:16:00.003+08:00

Happiness never depended on what we have, but who we are. Rainy. Smile.

It's been very very long since I last posted. Maybe that's because so many things happened, and I don't find them worth mentioning... Too much work and too little play. But I think I forgot to write my new year resolution... Haha, when they asked me that in my class, I said I want to be happy. I'm not sure if I can make it, but at least I try (:

SO many tests and homework, yet surprisingly I seem to enjoy school more than in the past... I guess that's because I'm used to it?? But it seems to me that I'm accepting everything so easily, no more resisting of long school days, no more complaining of difficult tests... No wonder they said that once we reach JC 2, we'll be transformed XD

I must be stupid.

I'm still doing the stupid, naive things that I should've stopped doing years ago. Everyone found their life's focus while I'm still standing there. I wonder its because I'm feeling very tired and need some care recently or it's because I'm lonely for a long long time. Haha, I must be dumb to believe that you'll never forget me. My care and concern seems to be your tool, something that you can take out when needed and put away when things are solved. I am not doing this any more. I don't want to ask myself, "Why aren't you asking about me and still ask from me??" again. I have feelings too. I don't want to wait for you to notice me any more. I deserve to be loved and appreciated too. I will leave not because I don't need you, but because I need you so much and yet you seem to treat me as someone who doesn't make much difference in your life. Give up, don't ask me so much, I don't want to explain. I'm tired of feeling sad even as you ask of me to comfort you.

One good reason for me to smile, I deserve to.

2010-12-28T22:25:00.004+08:00

Things only exist/survive when they have a value. Cloudy. What happens when things are not useful anymore??

Nowadays when you have facebook, nobody puts photos and pictures onto blogs anymore... However, it's still nice that I get to write online... Don't misunderstand me, I'm not those attention seeking bloggers who gossip about themselves and people around them XD Haha, it's always nice to catch up with people (:

-

Wei Liang, long time since we met up / chatted, isn't it?? Sorry, I was quite busy before this, ya, maybe we can meet up, just sms me and we can go out for dinner.
How's school? Are you stressed? Haha, we should talk to one another more.

Went to guangzhou from the 22nd to the 26th, as mentioned before. So basically, my christmas was spent in a typical Chinese fashion, no christmas trees, no church bells, no christmas carols... But I did take alot of photos of Rainy Guangzhou, shopping or related activities are kind of absent since my dad is around XP But the cousins were fun and yup, they're nice people...

But dad was rather disappointing... THAT PAIR OF SHOES APPEARED. AND, I MISSED IT. Haha, there's always that Hope that I hold when I go out with my dad, thinking that Maybe he would be nice to his son for once and get what I want... We went to the busiest street in Guangzhou and I saw it... In the same store where Dad bought 2 pairs of working boots and a pair of black leather shoes for me. I was kind of on the edge of screaming, "DON'T GIVE ME THAT, I WANT THAT!!!" In HK, that model was sold at 480+ HKD, equivalent to 60 SGD. It was sold at 120 RMB there, which is less than 30SGD!!! Half the price... You can imagine how pissed I was. Well, in the end, I kind of started taking photos to cover up my frustration... Sad life.

Of course, there was that delightful high tea with my two cute sisters (: The food was good, oooohhh, millefeuille with caramelised apples, the atmosphere was good but the conversation was kind of embarassing... Ok, I don't really mean it, you girls were good company. Haha, I know this kind of things are only nice little accidents, though I certainly don't mind working with the two of you again. You are entertaining XD

You're my sky, and I think I'll do anything you ask me too. Don't cry, since I can't reach you from so faraway... Don't say you miss me because you don't know how much courage I took to leave. Smile, so that I can be happy for you from afar. The distance is real, but that shouldn't stop us...

Smile for me.

2010-12-08T18:49:00.002+08:00

Sometimes things are not given not because you don't deserve it. Rainy. The truth is that you're just not ready...

Chalet ended. Haha, I have no idea how to descibe how I felt now... Maybe its because I only sleep a grand total of around 10 hours these 2 days and rushed through from place to place and missed out alot of things which was described to be so fun ): Nevertheless, it was fun to me, maybe its because I get to know alot of things that were so out of reach. Haha, Mr. Zong acted completely different from his usual behavior in school, maybe that's because RV is never a fun place to start with. The second day was kind of awkward, since there was that ongoing talk about Relationship management and I realise the entire group has found their boy/girlfriends except me and junfei XD In normal circumstances, I think I'll be kind of sad and envious at the same time. But that night, I think I smiled. Maybe its because I think I found something better??

Some find love through numerous relationships, but maybe for me I just need one... If I start one just to eventually end it, I did rather I'll never go through something like that. Someone told me in the chalet, I make a good house husband, 家庭主父 XD Haha, but at the same time it makes me unattractive... What can I say?? Haha, if kindness and being less playful will make me lonely, I think I'll still hold on to it. I don't know, maybe because I can't tease people and be a "bad boy"? Imagine one day I start acting like a frivolous person?? Haha, I can see some of you puking right now XD

Haha, then I also have to mention the food. There was so much food, and all of it was so well done. The marinating was simply... EXTRAORDINARY. In case any one of you start to flame me, eating is my hobby and lifelong passion, so its natural for me to notice that the food was prepared so well XD I never expect to see lamb chop, stingray, pork chop and alot more meat at the chalet. Haha, its... Great XD

I'm ready, or so I think?? You have no idea how much courage I garnered to say "Hi" to you once again. I guess it wasn't our fault that things turn out this way, and since we still have many times where we'll meet one another, I know this will come someday. Of course, that's all we can go for now. I just can't act like nothing happened... I wish there was a reset button somewhere, at least I'll make sure something like this won't happen...

2010-12-05T20:44:00.002+08:00

Me: I think smiling is no longer hard anymore. Sunny. You: What about laughing??

Dad did quite well today, though its still hour plus. Haha, you still pawned your friends except your coach XD Haha, today we all decided to fasten our seatbelts, since we're not that confident of Dad's driving skills due to what's left of his legs. Hehe, I will try it next time. I'll train harder, trust me (: Orchard and City Hall was filled with blue and black shirts, everyone flaunting about it, though we'll never know whether those blue shirts ran 10, 21 or 42 km, or whether those black shirts took 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7hours(Don't laugh, though I think even my walking speed is faster than 6km/h)... Of course, at least they tried. Maybe I should do it next year (:

The evening at Marina Barrage was fun, met alot of people, David, Shereen, Dongqi, Tie Hong and many many Rvians (: It was kind of disappointing that Tsz Hong and King Yeung didn't make it to that soccer match in enormous balls. I was looking forward to them rolling around floor... Of course, there was alot of food, Old Chang Kee, Swensen's and Popcorn (:

Wei Lin, if you read through the posts, I said I'm leaving on the 22nd and returning on the 26th... How's UK & Liuyi?? >>> I wish I signed up for that too, since I have around 2k in my edusave and now I don't get to spend it on overseas trips anymore...... Haha, I hope I can attend the Christmas dinner... Let's go to Esplanade and scribble down our new year resolutions on the big white balloons again (:

We experience heartbreaks because we're humans. Similarly, we have the tendency to be too affected by our emotions... We label those relationship issues as "Tragedies", though we all know that there'll never be something like Romeo & Juliet in reality... Until we let go, we'll never see how stupid we were, how fruitless were our tears...

Yes, you made me smile. What does it mean to you??

2010-12-02T20:51:00.005+08:00

Indescribable sense of loss. Drizzling. There's different precious things each person bear on his shoulders and we never realise how heavy, how precious those things are to us until one day it slips off.

Wednesday was a strenuous day, yet I have nobody to blame but myself. I guess there's no other stupid little boy who'll go for the 10 km jog before heading for the gym. Now the only moblie parts of my body are my fingers, which will soon be exhausted after typing this long blog post XD The company was great, though it had so much stress on me. Ha ha, I have to admit, that I am the weakest person among them... I'll try harder next time XP So now my entire body is aching from excercise...

-

Tomorrow's the big day for Dad & Co... Its the annual Standard Charter Marathon XD Dad, you can do it!! So in the end, like usual fashion, I am in charge of the pasta tonight. Meatballs was so hard to make, for 6 people, 4 of us, dad's coach and his mum... I think I made 60 in total, 10 for each person... Haha, part of this is inspired by my childhood favourite of the "Lady and the Tramp", the accordion and meatball spaghetti (: I think its yet another unperfected dish that I need practice in (Restaurant City level 5 XD)

Flag day was different today... We went door to door and in the end we ended up with filled yet extremely light bags (you get what I mean??) Maybe its the weird combination of me and my partner, I think the entire process was new and maybe awkward. Hehe, I have no idea on how to speak and behave, making me extremely stiff and rigid. I think this is the first and the last time I ever want to be in such a situation, ever again...

2010-11-29T20:28:00.005+08:00

One can't have everything, but he or she can choose which want to sacrifice... Of course, that means casualties. Drizzling. I choose to smile less so that you can smile more...

Christmas is my favourite holiday... It means alot of things, though I think the greatest impact it has on my life is the long long christmas card list and the long long long wishlist XD Of course, this year is slightly different. I'm spending my christmas in a different company, it means that I have to change my mindset. *HMMM, the 25th of December is an examination date in Guangzhou, NO smiling, REMEMBER* Hmm, I really wonder how I'll survive and if my distant cousins will know that its nice to give Chirstmas presents to people XS I will try my best to enjoy myself in Guangzhou during Christmas... Try.

-

Oh, btw, need to upload the photos for that failed attempt at gaining weight with FY at KFC...

That funny guy in theb ackground wearing the uniform so weirdly is not me, infer yourself XD It was nuts, eating 3 pieces of KFC chicken then move on to cheese fries and mashed potatoes... NO word can describe how I felt after rushing home to find out that there wasn't any weight gain at all... Maybe its meant to be X(

2010-11-25T19:44:00.005+08:00

Life is a stage. Rainy. It's time for another main character...

The sky is still as blue as before, at least that's what it seems when I took this photo... So many things changed since the last time I sat down to gaze at the white clouds in the sky.Life is something we just can't determine fully by our efforts or choices. People come and go, whether you like it or not. So in this case, how you face these people and the things that come with them will then affect your life, your viewpoint of life and eventually your opinion of God. Putting too much emphasis on a certain individual makes one vulnerable to a lot of pain, and we often magnify these things and make them sound like yet another tragedy like Romeo and Juliet. We just get engulfed by things like this and forget the world. It sounds so stupid right now, and how I wished I spent my time on something else (:

But come to think about it, it wouldn't have hurt if it didn't matter to me. Walking past the Clarke Quay and Raffles City, reminiscing those sweet memories, I guess if I had a choice, I would go for it again (: We love and feel pain because we're humans...

Emo talk again... My fault XD Who can I blame? Duping me when I was dressed nicely, had a christmas wishlist and gift list, TWICE. Ha ha, I'm indeed the one and only best friend one can find on Earth, being so tolerant of this... I don't know how to describe. Nevertheless, walking down the streets, to those fateful places is fruitful, at least I know I should let go now.

Dinner with Fang Yuan was entertaining as always... I never fail to catch that humour in between those sentences of so called "English", which to me is like chunky tofu... It was a heavy heavy meal and first time I joined in Fang Yuan's killing spree... Not bad, we should do it again (:

Jojo and Charles got friends today and they're not so fond of the fact that there're 2 new dogs looking exactly the same as them joining them. I think I have a natural talent and flair of teasing dogs... They were simply horrified by the mirror, Charles as usual hides under the table while Jojo smells the scentless, flat "Jojo 2" and started barking... Ha ha, the funny duo made me laugh so hard, covering and unveiling the mirror so many times I think Charles simply satyed under the table for that period of time XD

We always have a choice... Not getting to choose is just the least obvious excuse of the rejection...

2010-11-21T23:54:00.003+08:00

Alone, yet not lonely. Sunny. People never stop their search for happiness, there's those who cry because of the hardships encountered, those who give up and delve into dark abyss. After all these, there will people who stop, look up and find that happiness is always there...

Long time since I posted, and I guess that's because I ran out of things to write about without sending out the wrong signals, ha ha. There's nothing left to be sad about, since we were not to be. It wouldn't have hurt that much if I chose to let it go. There's so many things in life worthy of me to be sad about, but I guess, for each sad thing to cry over, I have 2 or 3 more things to laugh over.

Haha, it was polling day for the lift upgrading project. It so happens that we have a very irritating person who's peeing in the lift everyday, making it a nuisance to take the lift. So, I asked a person, if he voted yes or no to the lift upgrading. He said yes, and added, "That bloody loser will have to drink alot more herbal tea to be able to pee in all 5 lifts. It's us against him!!!" What a bad laugh I had XD

Then there are those who are trying their best, but you just have to laugh at whatever they do, even when they're downright serious. Charles and Jojo were so freaking upset with the addition of new family members, which so happen to be two hamsters... They cry whole day and jump upon anyone who goes into the kitchen... Then they would stare into the glass enclosure, twitching their noses and tilting their heads, trying to figure out if those "things" are edible or "chewible". They're so serious, that I can't help it but let them look at it again.

Haha, I remember the step in PW after identifying problem/question at issue is to investigate through primary research. Jojo took it to the next level by putting her head into the enclosure and smelling thsoe tiny folks out. 3 humans horrified, 1 human/sadist rolled on the floor laughing. "She's gonna eat them!!!!" "She's gonna hurt them!!!!!" "Chill, she's gonna be frightened by them and run back to us XD" Of course, they didn't allow this bet to continue, though I'm 80% sure Jojo will be stunned, while 100% assured that Charles will be squirming in fear and rushing back to me, haha.

As they always say, make your hobby your job so that you can play at work (:

Volunteering takes alot of effort and energy, but fun nevertheless... YOU GUYS BETTER FINISH THE RETEST FAST, I DON'T LIKE SEWING ALONE. Haha, it so happens that butter fingers can actually sew... Many funny things happen there and I'm so looking forward to the year end dinner, 500 more sets to go (if you get what I mean)...

2010-08-22T20:01:00.002+08:00

One week. Sunny. A change in progress.

The more I think, the more sympathetic I feel towards you. What once amused me much and now disgusts me is certainly something you won;t want to experience. Anything that happened to me which I am not proud to discuss is certainly something you shouldn't try. The last thing I want you to do is to follow my footsteps. Fame/Being well-known isn't something you would like. I never liked the feeling of everyone looking at me, discussing and observing whatever I do. Getting noticed sounds too good to be true to you, but, it was synonymous to hell to me then. Furthermore, I thought the only comfort is to know that I was welcomed and known by all; naturally means I make more friends. Sadly, that was not the case. People had prejudgements and false impressions on me due to my appearances at public events, well, it means I am judged on being who I never was. You know where you stand. Don't do it anymore. I really don't want to see you falter due to this. What benefits does this thing bring? Does it make you really happy? You sure you make all of us proud by doing this?

So you have really forgotten me...

2010-08-15T22:30:00.002+08:00

Remind yourself of God's presence with you throughout your life. Sunny. I never understood what You saw in me, it's just... me. How beautiful or precious can I be? Thank you, because I know you'll never leave me.
-
There goes the BIG day for many people, just yet another day to me. What makes a birthday special? I don't think its the cake, dinner, presents or the blessings. I think it's the reflection of the person which is most important. I guess, the past year was beautifully tragic, that kind of story where there's sadness, happiness, pain, fun and loneliness blended altogether.
-
I think my Birthday resolution would be that I want to be different from the previous me.
I want, I should be a long time ago and I will be a better person with more thoughtful actions and speech. Thank you all for all the tolerance, forgiveness, encouragement and to those who left me, thank you for waking me up. I will be stronger, quieter and most of all, a kinder person.
-
Thank You, for showing me that regardless of my state of mind, my surroundings, You'll be there for me. You'll be my everything. How foolish was I to think that the world left and made me lonely, maybe because you're always behind me. On this day then I realise how much you mean to me. Today, I see...
-
You're always late, but this year, I'm not waiting.

2010-08-11T12:49:00.002+08:00

背影

想不到你的永恒是那么有的限，
亏我还期盼着下一年的那一天。
那张残旧的卡片还放在我床边，
但写信人的心却早已走远...
山盟海誓从来就对我不重要，
不过，你连遵守约定也做不到。
你说过要一辈子陪着我，
我期望的却从来没有那么多。
现在看来，那一切都是儿戏，
是我不配拥有。

我知道没有什么会永垂不朽，
没想到我们却那么快就走到尽头...
也许是我单方的厮守，
令你不觉得有任何留下的理由。
难道是我还做得不够，
抛开我的你没有丝毫难受？

在你的背影里，
我感觉不到孤独，
只有刺骨的冷酷...
头也不回离去的你，
毫不理会我的感受，
更没有留下
任何令我自我安慰的温柔。
在你的背影里，
我却看见了自己的寂寞，
看穿了原来之前的那一切全是泡沫...
我以为能在逝去的时光里，
寻找到还在乎我，
那个微笑的你；
最后，发觉，
从头到尾笑的只有我自己。

很多时候，
我相信一切都会有尽头，
痛恨自己这次为什么没有力放手。
难道我还损失不够？
拉长的背影已渐渐的走远，
我却仍停在那一天。
傻傻的我到现在
仍期望能见到你的脸。
但我知道，
你不再是为我笑得得那么甜。
我只能像傻瓜一样，
静静地望着你的背影慢慢的消失，
奢望那个背影能变回我所认识的你。

2010-08-04T22:38:00.002+08:00

I don't think I'm not as good as them, neither am I compatible to her. Weather is as messy as the situation I got myself into. I pride myself in being different, don't compare.

Ohh, 10km run is really tiring. One of the bad points in having a scary dad who completed the marathon in 4:19:00 hours is that you have to drag your dead body after him for 10 km only to find that he's looking perfectly normal. "Son, I usually do 2 or 3 rounds of this... You need to buck up." Haha, dad, I thought I experienced a miracle when I completed it in 1 hour, and here you are, telling me it's not good enough. Well, it makes sense to me, since I never manage to win you in any sports.

To all out there, if you think you know the person whom I'm talking about, you're wrong... Haha, sometimes I really wish that person puts in as much effort as you guys, even to take a look at what I'm writing. Only that person will understand whatever I'm writing. And no, it's not who you're thinking. Purely coincidental. Don't misunderstand (:

No, I'm not emo-ing... I always like to reflect on what is happening around me. What's gone is gone, maybe I'm only feeling some sense of self-pity, that's all. What's life without some frustration, some reflection and some sadness?

If someday you're to read this, I hope that you know, friends do move on, friendships do fade away, but I really do hope that there's another way. Not blaming you for anything, maybe just myself for being so naive and foolish. To a certain extent, I'm happy that you found new friends, maybe just sore that I am left behind (: Even as I see you promising yet another eternal friendship, I really wish that it would come true for that person...

But you will never notice, will you? Not blamimg you...

I wish you can understand that friendships in my point of view last forever, and it wqs never about cards, gatherings, presents, sms or msn.

2010-08-03T21:26:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time, I had a part in your life, I meant SOMETHING, at least. Even if it isn't a large portion, I thought I could live with it. Sunny to the extent of being glaring. The bloody truth searing into my eyes... Give me one good reason to accept the fact that I'm abandoned. Are we that different ever since??

You promised. That card is still with me. You said you'll be there for me forever. Friends for life. The card was very simple, not an exquisite birthday card, nor a beautifully decorated card. Just a postcard given by MOE to everyone of us. 2 years passed, can I ask if you still remember it? Just like woody and andy, it's just that I'm like Woody, but you're not Andy. I'm that fool who keeeps on thinking that you will remember me, remember all the promises and all the happy times we had together. You didn't remember me till the very end...

Nothing will change my opinion. You lied. Or maybe it was foolish of me to believe you in the first place. As your actions tell me, I am merely a toy, being forgotten and forsaken for newer ones and the master paying no regard or attention to all the past times and promises...

Maybe it's just me.

Or am I a walking tool? I guess I am of no use to you anymore... You don;t need me and hence you don't bother about me. Ever wondered why this tool was so useful? Till now, even when I ask myself, I can't find an answer. Why? WHy do I hurt myself while helping you? Why am I so concerned about your feelings? Why do I do stupid things when you ask? Even when I know it will mean me doing much more stuipid things... I find myself volunteering to do things which I would never have agreed to e.g. Buying a soft toy alone is not the most wonderful thing to ask from a guy, let alone a person who only has a night to visit 3 malls and so many stalls so as to not disappoint.

I never expected much from you, though I put in that much, to the extent of being self-sacrificial... A little smile or the smallest expression of appreciation from you would have brought me the greatest joy. But that was not to be, because... It's just me, only me who's still here. You're gone.

2010-07-03T19:33:00.002+08:00

Memories of the past, treasures of the present. Rainy. Sometimes I really wonder how I managed to get over things so easily.

I'm back, in body... Maybe not in heart. Ask me if I miss HK and China, sadly yes... Even to the extent of trying to find things to replace their position in my heart. Lychee, Pu-Er tea, having food in mid afternoon in replacement for High Tea, sleeping late and QQ.

I miss them, I miss it, I miss everything. The people, the food, the lifestyle and the memories. Slamming back into reality, its block test for Year 5s... SO here I am, sitting 15 hours a day, 4 hours in school for the paper, 11 hours at home for the revision and nothing else. Even the backside is sore from all the sitting XD

Nevertheless, the mugging doesn't seem to work. The exams are like killers. I really wonder if I will survive from all the tests... Chemistry was a downright murderer, while G.P is like a scary assassin, taking my grade and the brain along with it...

I guess this sudden feeling just an impulse, isn't it? I hope it is. But according to physics, impulse is a change in momentum and I don't think its decreasing...

2010-06-09T20:22:00.002+08:00

I never understood the impact of an sms, or the impulse of sending one. Cold and rainy outside, clouds gathering inside.

I'm in HK now (: Just the first day and I think I'm already exhausted from all the walking XD So much food, so many clothes, so many things to see, and most importantly, so many people to meet...

I bought 3 shirts in one afternoon. For an ultra cheap price!!!!!!! Haha, then went for some red bean ice and a cool sumptuous meal (: So tiring, yet so enriching... I wonder if i could keep up at this rate for the next 16 days...

Went to Bugis yesterday to find something cool for Aunt Sandy... Kampong Glam was like yet another exotic place, like Vietnam, according to Holly XD We went around looking for the perfume shop, in the middle of shophouses filled with Muslim garment and batik fabrics... Truly vibrant.

After that we went to Bugis Street, first time in the week, second for Holly and more to come. She was like my branding consultant... Buy this, drop that, I want this, you won't need that and all the stuff XD

TCC was like totally entertaining... The coffee, the confectionery and the environment. The sofas are my favourite... HAHA

Shall I avoid or should I face and accept it with bleeding hands??

2010-06-04T21:09:00.003+08:00

Being there for you was enough... I wouldn't have asked for more. Those lovely songs are still playing, yet singing that now... Its gone. Rainy. Impossibility is arbitrary, it was my fault to be such a coward.
-
Pre-University Seminar is now over. After five ultimate days XD So many unglamourous photographs are taken thta I can't count. I don't remember how many times I willingly posed for those funny photos (: The parallel presentations and discussions make me feel so grown up (my biggest fear), with me wearing a long sleeve shirt and jacket for 5 days, court shoes and long pants. Urgh... Just not used. The things and topics discussed were pretty good, with good questions and answers. I remember one of the panellist said, "Life is not a conformed mould, choose. You decide how your life goes." Well, life is not a mould, it can be highly volatile. however, as time passes, you gain somethings that you would never want to lose. And suddenly, its gone...
-
Nannies are never truly valued. They're made use of, all their care, love and concern and then laid off. Most of them are paid to serve, I guess I was a silly one...

2010-05-08T21:50:00.002+08:00

Even if it's unnecessary. Drizzling. I want nothing else... Take them away from me.
-
Why do I have to work so hard or try my best? Is it just because of peer pressure? Do I really want it??
-
Happiness should be my goal (: Nothing other than that. I will try, try to smile even when I know I lost something precious to me, smile when I know once again I failed myself and to smile even when I know that I should be feeling sad. The more adverse things are, the more I should challenge myself in making a difference.
But who cares? My smiles, tears, frowns and everything else go unnoticed, as always. I know, I am not born to be great or outstanding, just a simple, simple person. Nevertheless, I realise, even that simplicity is lost. I am like in between, neither those that inspire people or draw attention, nor am I those that have cliques, just like all the normal folks. I am lost.
Being myself. I will learn to be responsible to myself and nobody else. In fact, I don't mind losing my all, just to be able to face myself without any regrets...

2010-04-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just need a little help to move on, that's where you come in (: Hmm... Heavy heavy rain... Sending you my love everyday.
-
This evening as I waited for my bus to go home, I saw a lady and her son. Her son was throwing tantrums, insisting on going on the wrong bus... The lady stopped him and he cried. He started screaming and hitting his mother... The mother didn't blame him at all and looked at him and smiled while his blows land on her. He got tired and sat at a side and sobbed. In my point of view, that is already the highest level of tolerance and love showed by the mother. But she walked towards him and comforted him, cuddling him in her bosom...
It is always me who caused trouble, but never I who chose to return. It was I who rejected Your love, yet it was You who healed my wounds... I didn't seek for your forgiveness, yet You came and found me hurt and alone. You were the one suffering the most pain, but you sheltered me from all those blows that were meant for me. You loved me when I was still so childish and ignorant... Pardon my childishness, my ignorance and my stubborness... Maybe till eternity I still won't realise that you are always beside me, but you promised to be forever there...
-
我也许永远也不会知道你是在什么时候出现，
但你告诉我，何时有你就何时有这一份爱。

拒绝，伤害你的是我，
可寻找，挽回我的也是你。

就是在我最不可爱，
软弱的时候，
你看见我的孤独与痛苦。

确实是我太过无知，
怎知你受苦是因为我。

即使是今天，我也不能给你任何永恒的承诺，
但你仍是牵着我的手走过人生里的一切。

2010-04-18T22:00:00.002+08:00

What will happen to you if I'm ever to leave you forever? Rainy. Even with me around, you appear to be struggling... What to do??
-
Watching skies above
Want to reach the clouds above
'Goodbye' beforehand
-
AM starting to get used to JC life (work, work and work XD ). While people are still screaming, "JC life sux" or "Life sux", I think I finished tutorials and tutorials... Why spend such time to complain, when you can make full use of your time. Be filled with thanksgiving and you'll realise,
life can be more than that. I kind of feel that you trap yourself in a small box if you trap yourself in hatred or self-pity. The sky above your head is so wide and yet you only see that small dark cloud above your head...

Don't take the backseat... You can do better!! Trust me, you can be different if you want to. A lot of things need time, but above all, they need will and determination. Don't give chances when you can progress on. You can do better!!!

2010-04-15T23:08:00.003+08:00

We always have our blind spots, but is there anyone who can remind us on time?? Rainy. I can't sleep without playing that song...

Love is the greatest lesson of life. To love and to forgive, to understand, to accept, to sacrifice, to fall, to plead, to endure, to advise and to shed tears because of it. Life is full of ups and downs, so do people have their good and bad points. Learning to fully accept him or her is called love.

Hatred hurts everyone including yourself... What is there to gain by hating a person and cursing him/her? Does it make you more righteous? Does it lessen your anger? Does it solve the problem? What are you seeking when you hate? Hate brings sadness, pain, irreparable ties and bad memories which might last a lifetime... Letting go may seem stupid and unreasonable, but it is indeed forgiving yourself and removing that burden from yourself.

Never understood what you're seeking... A warm shoulder, a support or simply The One... See beyond that, because you're of more value than that... You're not seeking love, you're just looking for someone to talk to, someone to ask for help, someone to ask for attention from and maybe, you're just not used to be alone at all...

Never have you realised, there's just that three special people who tries so hard to love you and provide you with all their atention and support... There's still the one who was hung on the cross... What'll all the earthly love bring? Legendary Love Story? Sweet encounter? It's so short and fragile... Useless and unfruitful...

With my violin,

I can go anywhere...

May my tears seep through those lines,

Wishing that my joy overflow from the timbre ...

A song that I'll always play,

Though the sorrow has went away...

Reminds me of those unforgettable days,

The lines and curves of your face...

What's gone will be left alone,

But I wish to move on.

Withdrew my hands which used to be always there for you,

And walked toward a horizon so new.

2010-04-11T20:58:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since you walked out on me... Sunny I never saw life in another way till the day you forcefully turned my head...
-
It's a warm day today XD The temperature in Singapore is turning more and more irritating... My life is also like the atmosphere, lazy and yet restless. Physics test is tomorrow, but somehow I don't feel motivated to revise... I realise, JC life really changed me alot. The sleepyhead no longer exists... I bid goodbye to my 8 hours sleep in February, no more goodnights for me... I don't know when this is going to end, but I know if it doesn't end soon, I'm gonna end :X
-
I find my joy with four strings
Seeking comfort within those five lines

May my emotions dance off the page
Hoping that those beautiful strokes understand my plight

2010-04-02T23:20:00.003+08:00

I really do treasure our times together, though I think you have forgotten it already... Sunny. A funny day with funny people...

Sometimes I really do wish I learn how to appreciate what's given to me. I should learn to smile more. There's no such thing as fairness in this world, we're just giving in to one another. You can say that I'm cynical, I'm pessimistic or whatever. But life's never fair. I'm sorry, but that's the case. Some people get more credit than others, some people do less but earn more than others, we are all born different. So many questions left to be answered. But I'm so glad that I'm able to smile to all that. All these doesn't matter much, God give me the strength... I used to be so eager in pursuing fairness and meritocracy, but I realise, its all lies. You can't convince people to give you credit without showing a bit of arrogance and being self-centered. How do you define achievement and labour?? Its all so subjective. But I'm glad in the Bible, it says many are called, few chosen. Since I am given this job, it is indeed my privilege to be able to finish it. Similarly, since they are chosen, I should be happy for them (:

Used to be so foolish,

Seeking for everything that is synonymous to happiness...

Never realised,

That it was here all along...

Tried so hard to smile,

Sighing to all those sad, sad songs on the radio...

Was blind,

Didn't see the tears shed...

I'm sorry, it was all about me, I forgot about you.

It was I who let you go, me who made you feel alone...

2010-03-25T19:57:00.002+08:00

People and things enter and leave my world, but music and emotions stay. Moist and warm summer. Even my shadow betray my emotions...

Life is a stage. People come and leave all the time, just like a skit. And just like a performance, a particular scene may leave an indelible impression while some other things can simply be forgotten. Too engrossed in any particular detail will tend to make one too affected and unable to admire the play as a whole. I guess I'm just one of those stupid people... Haha, being emo seems to be like my hobby nowadays.The scene is over, but I can't forget it. I am still being affected by it... The emotions still remain there. I'm sorry, but maybe a little more time will help?? I am still living in yesterday...

Found this song recently... Haha, emo as usual...

My Heart's Calling

Smile a little more,

So that you will comfort my heart which longs for you.

Smile a little more, make the world jealous of you

and so that my longing heart for you will not get too greedy.

My heart curses me because I can't bring myself to say I love you

I burst in tears, because my desire for you flows and flows

Only that sad phrase has been stuck to my throat like a thorn,

Remaining in my ears all day...

Why does it has to be you?

Why do I have to love you?

Even if I shake my head and deny it,

I can't let you go...

*chorus*

I love you,

Love you, forever even if you didn't see me...

Even if I shout for you a thousand times, you don't know.

Do you??

Even if I had stayed at the same spot, you don't know.

Do you??

I'm like an idiot,

staring at this foolish love at a distance...

No matter how much I cry over you and call for you, I guess you'll never know...

2010-03-18T22:48:00.002+08:00

How one views things reflects what he/she has in her heart. Rainy. I rather you didn't promise...
-
I won 2 matches in a row XD !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it... I actually fulfil the basic requirements to get into the finals XO Haha, I'm so excited now. I thought the first match was a gone case, losing by 2 pieces, saw at least 5 to 6 possible checkmates that the opponent could have used (THX SWEE HENG for telling me that I have to plan the best moves for the opponent too, completely horrified when I did that...). All the spectators were shaking their heads in disbelief... In the end, thank God he didn't realise any of that... The second match was against the guy's senior, haha, how funny. The irony sensed in the end is that I managed to finish that match within 15 minutes, maybe because the opponent asked for a swift duel... So glad nevertheless (:
-
Words by a person when he/she is drunk or sub-conscious can be so hurting, but I'm sorry to say that I'm quite sure he/she meant it :X Cheer up. It is never up to you to decide in the first place... Let go?? Haha...
-
I should've known.

2010-03-17T23:51:00.002+08:00

I realised. Sunny. Don't ask me how, it just arrived upon me that i don't feel it anymore, I'm still sad though...
-
Holidays are so fun, though I know part of me miss those fun free breaks with the guys (: Haha, today's stayover ended like at 2300, because they can't stay X( Haha, I realised that I was the only one who doesn't have an excuse to say that i can't stay, lol. The food was okay, but I'm so guilty because abi's mum is treating us but we're so wasteful, eating a few bites before chiong-ing off to play wii...
-
Homework can go and die for all I care. I find myself so scattered, sharp contrast to my usual schooldays :X Haha, I went to swim for 2 hours, practise violin for 1 hour instead of doing homework (: I can do so many things at amazing speed and efficiency, safe for homework...
-
Chess competition was a big big surprise. Haha, I won my first match!!!! But I lost the second one. Which means I need to win at least 1 match on Thursday :O Horrified. Thanks Swee Heng, though I don't mean to be evil, but I'm so glad you lost too. Now I am less lonely, haha, tongyao too XD
-
I realised I was blind. You are just a reflection of my sadness, not the cause. I can forget you, but I will still be sad, because...

2010-03-13T22:20:00.002+08:00

You are the voice which I'll never forget. Rainy. Vanity of vanities, absurdity of absurdities. Life will be such a joke if I am still thinking of you...
-
Bets are so damaging to my treasury... Haha, sorry chunwai, that I have to get an A for GP when I bet with you I would've gotten a D. Well, Raffles Hotel then. You win... I am so prepared, though I am quite apologetic that I damaged your pride. How many years have I knew you and when had I scored higher than you in English?? XD suan...
-
HAHAHA, AABX/A... Econs should be slightly lousy ba, maybe a C?? Everyone sounded so pessimistic during and after the lecture... But, come on. We're 5F. Other people may mean it when they say they're gonna get S, but behind all those false arbitrary gestures of hopelessness, all of you know jolly well you're not going to be that sucky.
-
A random note: I always sympathize those antagonists in the drama serials. Yoon Ji Hoo in BOF, Yul in Goong and so many others. Haha, I wonder if it was a delibrate attempt by producers to beautify these agonized actors, making audience ponder and feel disappointed that the they didn't manage to get the love from the lead actress in the end... Haha, its so different in reality. Heartbreaks do happen, but people don't get that sympathy. Heartbreaks are suffered alone.
-
I wonder, if you still remember me, because I do. But I think I won't care that much about htis part of my past now...

2010-03-09T20:30:00.002+08:00

I took it off my thoughts, my eyes, my mouth and my actions. Rainy. I don't ask for much, just a simple life with the ones whom I treasure. Do I have to be like all of you, to plan, plot and conspire to become millionaires and Nobel laureates in order to survive?
-
Physics - A
Chem - A
Math - B
Haha, I am so happy and proud of mnyself. AAB... Hmm, I think thats good eough, though I think I'm at the bottom half in my class DX Who cares?? I did better than expected. Don't ever quote my 2009 G.P.A, because its simply a precondition in my class. I'm not born to be smarter than them, so why bother killing myself to exceed them. Go PRCs!!! I'm contented to be in the median, not a high achiever...
-
I'm smiling, happily from the bottom of my heart for the first time. Congrats...

2010-03-03T20:51:00.002+08:00

Your eyes remind me of my foolishness, you fill me with self pity when you turned and look me in you eyes... Sunny. Being focused is never my forte, but now I realise that its the only way for me to be happy.
-
So many tests, so much work X( I had my G.P compre test last wednesday, Maths test on Friday, Physics on Monday, Chemistry tomorrow and Economics the day after tomorrow. I am no longer who I used to be... I guess its different now (: I play the violin twice a day, goes to excercise, does homework, reads bible and books and go to sleep. Its a hectic lifestyle, but I guess it does help in making me forget _____. I try not to think too much, but whenever I hear that song, I can't help but sigh...
-
Attended the talk by UCL, King's, LSE and IML today. The cost is so high :O 1000 pounds a moth and 15000 pounds a year for tuition fees!! I guess the prerogative of going to study in London (my dream destination) is that I have to get a scholarship, or a bag of cash falls from the sky (maybe even that's not enough). Don't bother, I trust you and the family finances, but what's the point of spending that much?? (: Haha, It would be so fun to stroll down thos beautiful streets and have tea by the cafes...
-
请原谅我
好想自私将你占有
你的寂寞就给我承受
换你过更好的生活...

2010-02-23T17:30:00.002+08:00

Life was much simpler... Sunny. You are so far away... Displacement with reference to me = infinity...
-
Used to think 4E is a very scary class, because they study a lot and don't really have alot of humour... Now I retract this statement. In contrast to 4E, 5F is much scarier. They have alot of jokers, they are very fun-loving, yet like as if they have a double personality, they get downright serious in class and in work, finishing homework the day after its given (4E, we finally met our match XD)... Everyday, I face the dilemma on whether I should have fun and enjoy school or to turn into a mugger. I'm sorry, I just can't be the same like all of you lo... Dr. Jerkyl and Hyde in making... I've never seen a prc who can pawn the class in G.P compre and econ tutorial, do more than 1 pull up, laugh to lame and sick jokes, play computer games and spike hair in addition to all those stuff that make him a PRC (pawn in maths, physics and everything to do with chinese and calculus)
-
You leave such an impression on me. You are indeed the best rep for locals... Haha, gold in napfa,
top in gp, pawn in econs, perfect fun-lover and yet a one in million mugger king... How many times have i struggled to keep up with your progress in homework?? haha, things i don in 2 hours are completed effortlessly by you... I am so amazed. haha, you deserve tt damning g.p.a (which i think is a bloody lie and burden for my case.) Haha, we still have along way to go. Let's hope I can achieve your intellectual rigour...
-
You and I are growing more and more distant by day, distance increasing by day, like a geometric progression. Sn = a(r^n - 1 )/ (r-1) = infinity. Haha, i wonder why that makes me comforted and less sad... Maybe because i won't be reminded by it anymore??

2010-02-16T22:51:00.002+08:00

You are a part of me, a part I can't live without. Drizzly. I wonder if its ever going to be over.

A happy cny is over within 5 days. Time to face the reality: Lecture quizzes are next week (: A random remark: I totally forgotten what is supply and demand curves all about X( Haha, its alright to be ignorant, just don't be stressed, isn't it?? I don't really understand the rationale of studying and aiming for good results if u simply can't appreciate that's given to you... Studying has to be happy :X Optimistic at least. A "B B C C" should be good enough. I should learn to be satisfied XD

I'm so envious of you... How many times have you got over such matters ever since I got into 1?? I'm starting to wonder if its a burden to have a good memory. I would've given anything to learn or even exchange with you. Let all things be put behind me, all happy moments and beautiful memories... All I ask is that I can forget my past and look at what's in front of me... It is not my fault that I can't forget. Don't try. You only make me feel worse when I see how easily you put things behind you...

I didn't tell you because I know its impossible. Neither do I expect anything... I think I am happy enough to bear this one-sided loneliness. You deserve something better (:

2010-02-11T21:27:00.004+08:00

Choices have to be made. So do sacrifices. Rainy. Why am I always the one? Is it because I do not deserve it?

I guess school is a place where everyone hate and yet miss when they leave. Work, work and work. I guess I can still survive, hope my class is more exciting (: I'm sure that will drive me on...
Haha, lecture quizzes are coming soon, next week ): I think I can make it, I hope, at least.

I always wonder if stress is arbitrary. Is it my fault that I'm feeling stressed or is it my peers applying the stress on me?? I see so many changes around me... They frighten me so much... Am I the only one being scared of this? Is this necessary. In retrospection, life was much more colourful. It wasn't all about studies, neither does homework fill our days and nights...

2010-02-04T20:24:00.002+08:00

I ran out of words... You walked out silently without me knowing. The world took you away... Sunny. I tried my best to let go, they did it for me (:
-
School is so monotonous nowadays. Everybody went nuts and started swallowing loads of academic content into their already stuffed brain... Haha, RELAX. STOP. GET A LIFE.
Amazingly keeping up with schoolwork, maybe even overtaking the lectures, I still have time to start learning my violin XD Quite an irony to be able to do more things even when i am left with less free time.
Class is funny, with the majority being PRCs... I think my accent and my listening in English is starting to get inclined to their side already. Being hardworking is not enough. Working the brains out is even worse. Give in to pressure and maneuver to enjoy the process?? Haha, the experience of playing the violin while thinking about econs at the same time is indeed memorable. Breaks should no longer be existant, life needs to be bountiful. A balance of meaningful things (fun, sports, music) and crap (school and homework + lame and wasted times spent on computer) needs to be attained...
To all those out there, working hard without doing other things is very tiring. Find a time to quiten down, allow yr soul to rest. A refreshed soul can go a thousand miles (:
-
'Now he who received seed among the thorns is he who hears the Word, and the cares of he world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the Word, and he becomes unfruitful.'

2010-01-25T19:44:00.002+08:00

It's only possible for me to live happily on a day to day basis, the cruelty of the days' burdens is too much for me to bear. Have I ever asked if you care??

-
Happiness is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy. I guess I thank God for everything I have, including me not getting a single accurate titration result for Chemistry in 2 weeks, me having a crazy principal and many many more. Life is not only about balancing benefits against costs... Sometimes, it's just not about making rational decisions... WHo cares about opportunity costs and marginal benefits anyway?? XD
-

Am I too selfish and self-centered?

2010-01-21T19:28:00.003+08:00

Enjoy simplicity and appreciate complexity. Drizzling. I never asked and will not ask. I know the answer anyway...
-
You tried so hard to brace the challenges,
You tried so hard to tell yourself it'll be ok...
Day by day, you struggle through,
Searching for a way,
Hoping to rescued.

The rocky seas have made you afraid,
Tribulations inflicted much pain,
You lost your faith.

Fighting harder,
You push ahead.
But you forgot,
You left Him alone...

There's one person waiting with open arms,
One person who stood by your side all along.
He was always there, watching you.
Come to Him,
The Rock of Ages.
Your Fortress, Strength and Shield.

Someday, I hope you will see,
Your struggle in life had made Him lonely.
He is the Man who can silence the storm,
The one with hands which can lead you on...

2010-01-10T20:36:00.003+08:00

Value each day to love, to live and to laugh. Sunny, Blazing. I'm starting, with or without you, goodbye.

-

I never knew myself to be a person that is so cold-blooded. I sat by when the principal said me and my cohort aren't worthy to be human, remained silent as he compared us to cats and dogs... I ate lunch like it was nothing. I'm sorry. I will be unworthy to be a human if I do not stand up against this tyrannical oppression executed by KYC towards me and my schoolmates...
I was raised to be a civilised person, at least good-mannered enough to know that a person should never say he/she is unworthy to be human... I'll never agree with you that Osama is not a human. A human, no matter how bad, is a person who deserve basic respect. You do not get away with this, my dear P; we will make you pay...

-

I was actually so heartless to greet you with just a smile...

2010-01-01T18:55:00.002+08:00

Yes, Its it. Let my everyday be full of Sunshine and Joy. I never meant to hurt anybody, stop guessing... I don't think I can take any more stabs to my frail heart. Guesses, Lies and Suspicion, the root of trouble.
-
除不去的悲伤；
幽默的笑话，安慰的说话不能减轻心里的负担，
无补于事。

擦不掉的伤痕；
美丽的日出，雪地的浪漫却更彰显自己的孤单
雪上加霜。

流不出的眼泪；
痛苦的回忆，残酷的现实已逼不出眼眶的泪水
冷若冰霜。

说不出的忧愁；
倾诉的渴望，解释的冲动不再引起身体的行动
欲说还休。
-
I would love to tell you, but I'm sorry.
Its over. I am finally smiling for once...

2009-12-31T20:35:00.005+08:00

Life is full of contradictions and irony that one cannot avoid. Hit me... Drizzling. I have always dreamt of telling you those 3 words, but I helped plan for someone to say them to you... Sorry for being such a coward.

My sister smashed my camera on the second day of the trip, so I'm sorry for the few pictures only. More will come, mid january...

Haha, a beautiful start with my sister shivering like there's no tomorrow in the -27 degree celsius environment. Minutes ago she was like screaming, "Its so warm in here" XD

This is the road leading to my village. So serene and beautiful. Haha, really like those in movies...

The night has fallen, at 4pm (: Haha, I wasn't tuned to their clock yet. So when everyone had eaten dinner and are doing what we normally do at 9pm at home, I'm out playign with the snow that has just fallen Xp I'm the naughty little boy who refuses to go to bed.

Haha, the next day is fun time (: All the snow in the past day made everything white...

Thats it. Its time. Please do me that favour. Say 'yes'.

2009-12-30T16:02:00.003+08:00

God bless you and be your witness in the skies above. Rainy. You are always the brightest star in my sky, whether on the busy bright stark sky of orchard or the dazzling horizon above the Southern lake of Changchun. Forever my shinning star.
-
The 'First times' in live are normally unforgettable, 'Last times' regrettable but the 'First and also the Last' never cease to leave people with questions.

My "First"s :
1) I saw snow for the first time. How different from the foam they spray at HK Disney every year XD It was very fun and thank God I got to see the heavy snow... Such heavy snow that even the locals find unusual
2) I went ski-ing in the mountains. Haha, wat fun to watch people fall (sadistic pleasure). Its so cheap to ski there XD only like 30 SGD for 3 hours Xp I went frm the slope at the bottom of the hill to the mid hill and it was crazy to see people ram down... I am so impressd...
3) I slept in a village house with no heater at a temperature of -30 degrees celsius, where we sit, eat, sleep on a large platform with a stove underneath. Haha, how i loved the process of burning hay and firewood to cook and keep myself warm.
4)I went to skate on a lake, haha, there were sleighs there also. Haha, it was even more exciting than bumper cars (:
5)I attended a traditional Chinese wedding and found myself driven to tears by the ceremony. Hmm, memorable process. Haha I SAW A LIMO AT CLOSE DISTANCE

My "Last"s :
1)I think tears flowed down my cheeks when i left the village, but I think they frozed on the handkerchief. It may be the last time I ever see the village, Uncle and aunt again...
2)I think I won't be able to see such village life again. The world is changing...
3) I will never see such a starry sky again... I will miss it very much
4) I miss those white fields of snow...

My "First and also Last" :
1) I can't believe they brought me the best Dog restaurant the moment we landed :X Haiz, and I also can't believe that my determination actually failed me on the first day... I never ate any more after that day... But I'm not so sure I won't miss it XP Damn, I feel so guilty now...

-

How would I even bear to do that?? Please don't relit my hopes... Push me away, leave me. I can wait. I am so stupid... Tomorrow will be the end of all my troubles... Please say 'yes'. Crush my heart once and for all... I love you enough to let go. I am happy being your guardian angel, I give my all for nothing in return but your smile. I do not deserve your love.

2009-12-07T23:12:00.006+08:00

I know I have to move on someday, just not today, not today... I think I will be able to smile now, but I'm still stupid, I'm still waiting and hoping... You are like a beautiful wound in my heart, tormenting me and yet I refuse to let you go. I know I am foolish, but I don't mind. I still can't stop crying out, because I can't stop thinking of you. But I think I can smile and still put up a laugh, because I know thats the best for us (: What's mine will be mine, but I knw, what isn't mine will never be. Who cares?? Love is blind.
-
YES, I will laugh, smile and crack funny jokes. But I guess it was too big a concession to make to get rid of all my emo-ness, because, I just can't let go... Oh whatever. Shall start my smile and laughter with a piece of juicy news for all you folks to convince you I am funny and happy once again. Anybody heard that we are changing our principals?? Haha, apparently, we got a person who is so freakin tyco like he striked the lottery to get himself from being principal of JJC to our school; not saying JJC is bad, but he actually managed to squeeze Ms E's big ass off the principal's seat XD Haha, I can assure you Ms E misses us, but let me tell you, we will either miss her like crazy or totally not miss her and send her off with confetti XD

1) HE is a bloody racist. One day at JJC, he went on the stage to talk about Indians crowding together to form a gang and whatever, right in front of the entire school?? Haha, though its a pity to have a pathetic ethnic population barely enough to form a gang for him to scold in RV, I'm bloody sure some of us will enjoy his racist humour :X

2) Oh, nobody is gonna like him for this point. He likes to be truthful about us on the fact that principals and never busy, instead of going on overseas trips (sorry Ms E), he barges into a random classroom with a rod (reminds you of cartoon characters??), knocks a student with too long hair on the chair and confiscates the ez link card. He demands it to be cut by 6pm and blah blah blah. A student refused to give in and whack!! Haha let me picture it for you...

Yup, right to the grand chairman is him :X Uh uh, I don't like the sight of this. We're certainly not going to appreciate him for that... No way. Haha, it's got Alvin apologising for driving Ms E away on facebook XD I'm not going to do that... I don't think he'll hit Chinese. We're the yellow skinned superior race. LOL

Because I am stupid
I'm really, very foolish
I know of no one other than you
You're looking at someone else
Yet you have idea of my feelings like this

I won't be in your days
I won't be in your memories either,
However, only you, my eyes looked only at you,
And the tears keep coming...

As I watch you walking past, I'm still happy
Even though you still don't know my heart
I should stop this and leave...

I really want to see that day
I'm withstanding the pain each day
"I love you" is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you
Along once again, missing for you
Baby, I love you, I'm waiting for you.

I won't be in your days
I won't be in your memories either,
However, only you, my eyes looked only at you
I'm creating memories alone...

Loving you is like having a beautiful wound
I get to look at your pretty smile
But I cannot laugh with you...

I'm thinking about you so much everyday
My heart is hurting in all these sad days
"I want to see you" is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you
Alone once again, missing for you
Baby, I'm waiting for you, I love you

Bye, bye, never say goodbye
Even though I cannot hold you like this
I need you, I can't say anything more, I want you
I keep on hoping too, I'll keep hoping...

I'm withstanding the pain each day
"I love you" is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you

I'm thinking about you so much everyday
My heart is hurting in all these sad days
"I want to see you" is playing on my lips
Alone once again, crying for you
Alone once again, missing for you
Baby I'm waiting for you, I love you.

2009-12-06T19:17:00.002+08:00

Appreciation is a blessing that brings joy to life. Drizzling. Life is never fair, because we are never satisfied and love to compare...
-
I'm done with all the emo stuff (: I guess all those beautiful memories and perfections in my life poisoned my mind and made me into a perfectionist, unable to admire the roses along the path of life. Being too insistent on living out my ideal life makes me such an idiot to forget that life is never fair and perfect. I missed out on a lot of stuff, only now then I realise and believe the irony in the statement "Beautifully imperfect". I don't care about lacking anything anymore, because I love my life and myself (egoistical??). Thats it, no more focusing on what I don't have, I have happiness (:
-
I am released, because I know the answer now...

2009-12-05T19:52:00.001+08:00

My favorite song of all times, with all the touching lyrics that empathise
好人
若谈样子不会叫好
不算最讨好
但我的内在美不够味道，
哪足以自豪

谈为人当然好
双手也好抱
无奈独有伴侣问前路
没有想陪同邻家男孩跳舞
唯独当我师徒

人人亲近我
无人争夺我
无人关怀是谁大平卖亲和
平凡像我路过十个似我，情敌实在太多

人人鼓励我
无人倾慕我
常常激励别人尽情热恋，事后遗下我
像毒咒，无人爱我？
别吓我

并无自欺，所有老死(死党）只配当知己
愿意跟我细诉恋爱挫折，
抱住我会死
谈完情拖好手，都将我抛弃
从来没理会我喜与悲
是那么平凡仍可以来斗气
谈情令我心死
由得我死

人人亲近我
无人争夺我
无人关怀是谁大平卖亲和
平凡像我路过十个似我
你管不到那么多

天都不爱我
立心孤立我
平凡的人若提及情分便显得不配么？
难道我看不到现况正是结果？

由得我
无人争夺我
无人关怀是谁大平卖亲和
平凡像我路过十个似我
情敌实在太多

天都不理我
令我想清楚
感情是来自由弱者所写的悲歌
事实上为什么不拍到拖
说穿了我不美
信我。

2009-12-04T21:31:00.002+08:00

Love can't come before forgiveness. Rainy. I smile and laugh like nothing happened, because I want you to remember me for whom I used to be, a happy and carefree person, because I want to spare you the pain of seeing me in such a state...
-
Haha, MINDS concert was so funny. We have, 张国荣，Michael Jackson and many other imitations... So much laughter and fancy dresses. I went in at 11am, still half asleep, and suddenly I see a whole spectrum of colours in front of me. It turned out to be a fancy dress party. But surprisingly, the trainers stayed dull and low-profile. "Its their day." How I loved the concert, all the clapping and cheering rocked the hall. Team, you missed the show (:
-
Don't ask me why. Its complicated. I really do wish things so simple like hate or love. I'm sorry, they don't work like that.
-
I'm forgetting... Help me.

2009-12-02T20:04:00.002+08:00

Erasing the past and preparing for the future, which means I'll never have to cry for what has happened, but to cry for what is going to happen. Cloudy. Before that you didn't know, but now you know...
-
I always worried you would know, to be frank... But things took a dramatic turn. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm done. I don't mind telling you now (: What can you do now that you know?? Haha. Well, you will be able to understand my italics now?? Till that fateful day when you asked me to explain everything, I thought nobody will ever understand the entire thing. Now you know (: But things won't change, I'm still me, so ... There won't be a stop to emo posts Xp.
-
Dear, its a lie. I took them seriously, and see where it got me?? I didn't plan to make that high profile exit. Its never an option to me until I realise I was left with no choice... Because the only way to preserve my honour is to leave with dignity. Twice deceived, I consider that exit to be my final declaration that I am not interested in playing on with their politics and games. Haha, that excuse of not managing my studies is a bloody lie, exposed rudely at that moment when I stepped onto the stage to get the academic award...
-
I always consider being tactful as being an adavantage to a person when he brings a sensitive message. I retract that statement now. To speak to you, I am forced to speak in the rudest and crudest way, partly because you have a skin as thick as an elephant (4 fingers thick). Instead of saying "That was not appropriate" , I guess all I have to say to you is what I felt in that split-second before I calmed down, "Shut up, stop being such a spoilt brat who doesn't know his manners." (I excluded the vugarities, being partially tactful...)
-
Go, before I miss you, because I know I will. Why do you always have to turn back?? Just leave...

2009-11-26T19:56:00.005+08:00

At some moments in life, to love means to let go and smile... Its about he/she being free and not about me being left alone, isn't it?? Sunny. I know I should never stop believing, never stop loving and never stop giving... But its so hard... Because you may be the one and only...

HEY... ANYONE WITH A CITIBANK CREDITCARD??? CAN YOU PLEASE CALL ME??? Haha, I just received notice of a superb offer by Cathay Pacific... $298 to HK, reserved only for CITIBANK credit card holders... I NEED THAT DAMN TICKET... I must get to HK... Haha, i'm desperate, being aggravated by Mum's condition that I have to find cheap air fares (I can jolly well treat myself to a Cathay Airways Business Class... But I guess I have to be modest and thrifty...) Please please do tell me if you have that card... I need it!!!!

It is really better to give than to receive. Went back to MINDS yesterday, guess I miss those ppl there, Rozlan, Fauzi, Fadli, Sudha, Eileen, Bee Lay,Chee Huey and Chee wai... All of them. Haha, clement and I worked our guts out trying to complete the task. But the process is really funny and hilarious (enjoyed the part about 'Kinky Clement') Hahaha...

You are so right... The irony sensed in you telling me that statement. It really does hurt me so much...

2009-11-24T18:58:00.002+08:00

Winter can mean different things to people, it would mean clearing snow off their pavement in Vancouver, making snowman in Munich, Ski-ing in Stockholm or... nothing to Singapore (: Sunny (rare nowadays). You meant so much to me, but I guess I'm just a nobody to you... To think that I was so stupid to believe that we still have that tiny winy bit of feelings left. I'm stupid...
-
Life is funny... I really thought we had something special, at least you made it sound that way in front of others... We never quarelled, always smiled... But I guess if there was something we were very great at, that is presenting ourselves. I don't think I asked for a lot... But don't give me what I want, cos... I think I will miss u and won't bear to see you leave.
-
Loving you from afar, because I know it will never be my turn.

2009-11-20T21:13:00.002+08:00

Opportunity always favour prepared minds. Stormy. I know it'll never be the same, because, things and people change...
-
Big things happen everything, one man's trivial event maybe another person's big Thing... I guess you must damn lucky... Changing phones every 2 - 3 months, getting expensive stuff and now, going to Vancouver... Alone. The irony is that, you dad worked like around ten hours a day to make ends meet and there you are doing all this... I never get it... Not that I'm jealous, I've been there already, mind you. I mean, are you sure you want to spend it that way?? Nevertheless, bon voyage... You get to travel across the world to Vancouver (what a paradise...) while I'm getting exiled to the far far away northeastern china... We're going to see snow at two ends of the world... I think yours will be much beta (:
-
YQ exam is coming in 3 days... I can do it!!! I must work freakin hard to pass... Say 'no' to TV :/

2009-11-16T16:11:00.002+08:00

Who am I?? Who am I to you?? Cloudy. Its time for me to let go now... It is a lie...
-
After the long bloody chalet, with all those ups and downs, I'm back...
After the painful practicing on the yangqin, I'm back...
After a long weekend, without any curry or oil or pork, I'm back...
But the thing that I remember the most...I guess it'll be the beach at the chalet...
Left behind quite an essay on the beach, but you weren't there to read it... No one bothered to read the poem, which would have been more revealing than the things I was forced to say during 'truth or dare' that night (: You didn't bother, which was to my relief...
-
I never understood why time pass that quickly... Never understood why everytime you come into my life with a typhoon and leave with a whirlwind in the once peaceful sea... Goodbye Sis... Will miss you, yet deep inside, I'm bloody envious of you, who is going to live a dream that I always had... Have fun in Hong Kong, stay in contact (:
-
Its over... Or should I say, it never began in the first place...

2009-11-07T21:41:00.006+08:00

Life is always filled with regrets, regrets which we ironically choose to remember. Rainy.
One's love is not one that he/she can live with, but one that he/she can't live without
-
The 4E chalet is over... I guess that means almost everything is over. I worked myself silly, thought thats all I could do for 4E... But, I realise I missed all the happy moments and the fun, which means... I actually missed a part of happy memories left by 4E in my life X(
-

Yesterday

I just can't believe you're gone,

Still waiting for morning to come

Wanna see if the sun will rise

Without you by my side

When we had so much in store

Tell me what is I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories

I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,

They can take the music that we never play

All the broken dreams, take everything,

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we would go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay

I should be thankful for every day

Heaven knows what the future holds

Or at least how the story goes

I never believed until now

I know I'll see you again I'm sure

No it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night one more day

One more smile on your face

But they can't take yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,

They can take the music that we'll never play

All the broken dreams, take everything,

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we would go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever

But it wasn't our destiny

'Cause in my mind we had so much time

But I was so wrong

No I can believe that

I can still find the strength

In the moments we made

I'm looking back on yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,

They can take the music that we never play

All the broken dreams, take everything,

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we would go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away

They can never have yesterday

2009-10-30T19:40:00.002+08:00

Let your soul be filled with peace and joy, so that your environment and surroundings will be of little account to you. Rainy and humid. Farewell... Regardless of how it ended and how we see it, its over. A new beginning is in sight.
-
It is the last day of school. Like how someone put it, it is the happiest day for year 4anti-socials and the saddest moment for the once bonded year 4 classes. Went out with our dear form teacher for high tea, and yup, its over. I wonder if this is divine arrangement, twice I end up in a class which looks disunited from the outside and yet bonded, bound by vast differences and yet so close with one another... At the end of the outing, haha, we divided into two batches and entered into the MRT, one at the head, one at the end XD But we came together and chatted in the end... Never thought this would happen. Well, thank God for giving us that many opportunities to warm up... But I guess we didn't know how to treasure those chances to bond together...
-
Don't feel bad, its my honour (:
Its so hard for me to gain a chance like that... Haha, thank you...
I know I am still not good enough, still unworthy...
But I'm glad you are ok with me being who I am...

2009-10-28T17:35:00.002+08:00

Adversity creates an amazing might out of people. Rainy and humid. I guess I can never reach you... Because I am unworthy. You are the only star in my lonely sky, yet I can only be one of those tiny starlets that are so far away from you in you dazzling sky, no matter how hard I try.
-
Surprise. I will talk about about it when Friday comes... The truth shall set you free (dying to tell you though...)
-
I never understood what it mean to be 'cool'. Haha, I guess I kinda understood some parts of it when I laughed it off on Monday, when I stepped out of my house to find the entire male population of 4E playing ball games... And I don't know about it. What a bloody incident. I wonder how I did it... I simply said , 'never mind' and nothing else. LOL, cool... Don't worry V.P, I won't blame you for inviting everybody except me... No need to explain... I didn't even get angry (:
-
School is fun... 2 more days before this is over...
-
I never deserved it, but you gave it to me (: I know you don't mean it... Yet still, I feel indescribable bliss and sweetness inside...

2009-09-23T21:58:00.002+08:00

The cost of loving is high, yet the yield and return is priceless. Sunny. The furthest distance in this universe... You are right before me, yet no words came out of me, but a sorrowful stare, shattered and bleeding so deep inside. I'm lonely...

Exams are arriving, in less than 8 days... 'Will work hard' evolves into 'Working hard'... 'Mug like there is no tomorrow' is longer a slogan, but a recount written in sweat and sleepless nights.
-
Many misunderstandings and prejudice came upon me... Yet I know, one day you will know. Do not assume, because, it creates a barrier between us and I assure you, you and I won't feel better after assuming...
-
I promise I will be there for you forever, just to make you smile...

2009-09-18T21:56:00.004+08:00

Success is having the courage to rise from defeat. Rainy. Love with your all, try your best and cry out loud when its gone, because at least you experienced it before...

I guess I still miss Macau and Hong Kong... Macau especially... The pace of the people there is so slow and peaceful. The busiest street never more crowded than this. Antiquatic and blooming of beauty from within... Beautiful place (: I think I will want to go there again in December. I wish EOYs are over when I open my eyes tomorrow and I will be celebrating Christmas in Macau (fat hope...)

Looking for a girlfriend...

Name: Charles

Age: 1.5 years old

Sex: Male

Interests: Eating, eating and eating. Swallowing included.

Achievements: Ability to eat porcelain chips (proved when swallowing broken porcelain bowl),ripping of school uniforms and snatching food from people

Please please, find me a girlfriend for Charles... (:

2009-09-12T00:08:00.000+08:00

SUCCESS is having the ability to adjust and win in the changing circumstances. Drizzling. Just wanna cry it out in the rain and collapse, but I realise there's no shoulder for me to lay my head on...
-
I will be strong and try my best to manage my temper. I guess I can't hold for long. But before that, let me show you the process of a painting at MINDS...

Mighty Fadly and his bloody drawing...

Fy's bloody maze and splatters of blood...

Bloody abstract gothic painting...

Up to this part it looks nice...

Kok Wai thought Mr. Fadly asked him to colour the gaps drawn by FY... Haha

Clement the destroyer... He dirtied my butterflies ):

I'm so glad Ms. Sudha intervened and covered up (:

-

Your honour,

Have you any idea that your 1 word verdict denied all our efforts, our hardwork, our faith in the school, 54 years of school heritage, reputationby all your predecessors and showed your partiality, your lack of faith in us, your discrimination, inefficiency and one word sums it up, your judgement on us was 'Abasing'... You abased yourself, humiliated us in front of the people whom we have championed for for 6 months and I can see all the 4 years of reputation as an efficient and responsible schooling go down the drain.

I do not only appeal to your kind soul, but also to your good sense. It took 7 working days for you to decide on a 1 page proposal and there was no explanation provided on your verdict... Let me remind you that, we are not after the money of our peers, they have enough assets to build a new school campus for us. We are but students who are passionate about their cause and are eager to increase the awareness towards their needs. I appeal to your good judgement, you have not sounded any opposition to other fundraisers, then why us?? Groups were still selling their products before the holiday started!!!

Your highness,

Regarding to your sarcarstic remark on me being overassuming that the Honour will be supportive of the project, please do not fail to recall that it was you who advised us to go for it, assuring us and giving us a false impression that we were bound to succeed, which we should have. I never understood how you managed yourself to be such a skillful hypocrite. Do you plan to conceal the fact that you have championed the selling of ice cream and fought for it to be made possible?? Are we a bunch of ignorant fools whom you can push around?? DO not tempt me to name you and her Honour in the report, because I will not hesitate to publicize this dirty secret of ours... Do not try me...

Armstrong is going for the Sun now, never to return. Moon hides in the darkness and weeps sadly...

2009-09-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

BE positive to risks and failures as they are necessary for success. Sunny.
-
Long time since I blogged, isn't it?? Long time since you tagged (: Haha, life is hectic and yet sometimes disturbingly silent... I guess thats the way of life!
-
The charity walk was quite a success... Though it was quite regretful that they took alot of funny photos on me and not those whne I'm working hard XD
-
Singapore run was just yet another cross country run... Nothing much.
-
CID is driving me nuts... Drawing and painting for 3 and a half days... I guess Art is only good when you have the 'feel' and also the technique. I thought I almost got it :x But it ended up in quite a screwed manner...
-
Still waiting for Armstrong to reach Me.

2009-08-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

If I'm made to choose one thing that represents me most in the skies above, I guess I'm the moon...

Don't you realise...

I'm there for you when you feel sorrow and despair...
Yet, I am always helpless and cut inside...

I make many friends, giving my help and care...
Yet how many of you truly reached me or entered my needs??

I am but a reflection of all your desires and aspirations.

The guardian of your sorrows...
A lonely angel who forever stands alone outside the Palace of Joy and Hope...

2009-08-17T19:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to say this... I guess It took me by surprise and yet gave me a darn dilemma. If I am to describe my emotion levels, it will be a sine curve with an extremely large amplitude...
Hmm, should train my ability to manage my emotions. I should emo all the way (:
-
I can do it (: Bento with love and hardwork...

2009-08-07T22:54:00.000+08:00

In everything you do, put God first. Shivering due to loneliness inside. Sunny.
-
Who am I living for?? Myself? Or is it God living in me?? I guess Brother Boaz really enlightened me... Too many of us are blinded by our lusts, by the evil or incorrect thoughts given by Lucifer. Are we ignoring Lord's heart?? Are we underestimating the price he paid for us??
-
Trying to learn how to live alone, to keep everything inside my heart and manage my own thoughts. Hmm, quite successful so far. I guess not speaking does help alot in this area... Got quite upset during 2G outing today... Many things cut me just like me going through a shredder, all the actions, memories cut me like a knife... I thought I could escape, reject and deny it, but I guess I was forced to admit it as a fact today... Gone.
-
Learning how to write haikus in English...
" Standing in the snow,
Numb from the cold felt inside;
Its forever gone..."
-
This world can leave us any day, would you even think of me in this last magical moment??

2009-07-06T20:29:00.002+08:00

Create the world you dream of with every choice you make. Rainy. Dazed.
-
My past week has been quite a dream, nothing special, nothing happy, nothing sad, just filled with good company and friends... Life was so peaceful, so calm and yet abundant. There was no CCA, not much remedial and supplementry classes, not much homework, no quarrels at all, hanging out with friends... Haiz, it was like a mug of hot chocolate, sweet, smooth and dreamy...

I would never want this dream to end, never. If you ask me what is my final goal in life... this is what I want...
-
I want to catch a glimpse of heaven. Just a glimpse... I think I'll be pacificied forever, forever silenced by the beauty...

2009-07-03T20:05:00.003+08:00

Be of good faith and have a faultless conscience. Sunny. Day of work and fun.
-
Had a funny day today, got loads of homework, yet I'm still managed to laugh it off. Visited FY today at his house, did some housework for him. We watched star trek on the web, but it just seems so abstract and boring to be understood (:
-
School is getting more and more busy, yet I'm still handling things without hurrying and rushing... I seem to be living a life different to others, like a slacker in the midst of hectic muggers. Hmm, why? Someone tell me...

2009-06-15T20:29:00.002+08:00

15 June, Hiatus. Cloudy. The Lord is my hiding place.
-
I'm back! I am so glad that I'm back, after all those ordeals... But it was deja vu when I stepped into my house. First impression, what a horrible stench!!!!! Haha, Charles and Jojo didn't get their bath...
If anyone asks me why I think life is futile and absurd, the post-holiday mood is my best defence. Yes, I didn't really like China... But I still feel empty inside when we reached... I don't know, maybe thats because I didn't get to eat any indian and malay food when in HK, Macau and Guangzhou (:
-
I'll spam photos on another day, pardon me...

2009-05-24T21:43:00.012+08:00

You may walk, jump, run or fly, but never lose sight of the final destination,and never miss a chance to see a flower on the way. Day of excitement and bliss. Sunny.

-
I've decided to describe my day through pictures today. I can say today was filled with camwhoring and zi-highing (:

Haha, went for treasure hunt at Jusco in JB... We were too enthusiastic and finished it thirty minutes in front of the second group so we decided to act stupid...

See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil and... Smell no evil (:

I am so freaking sure those passer-bys looked up when we did that...
HAHAHAHA, how lame. KY and TL should cover their face with their hair...

Vintage.
Crazy bunnies...

Peek-a-boo

I should've stood... Too tall for it already q:

Champions of the day... hiding under a table...

This two can nevr get enough with camwhoring (:

2009-05-18T20:32:00.004+08:00

When you love your job, your work makes life sweet and fruitful...

Nostalgia and anxiety. Rainy.

Today I realized how I miss the oast. I guess all those memories came back to me. I just feel very sad to move on, even though its mean quite a long time... I should try to look ahead and achieve more, at least that it tend to make me forget about the beautiful past...

2009-05-15T22:24:00.002+08:00

What's right is right even when no one knows while what's wrong is wrong even when everyone is doing it... Day of joy mixed with some exhaustion... Sunny.

I thought everything was so nice today. I even managed to juggle the football during the soccer session for P.E, wow, miraculous (: History was a relief. I can say everything today happened like a beam of sunlight to my realm of darkness. It was tense, waiting for History and others. I'm glad it was okay. I'm glad that I accepted all my results with due grace, accepting without any complains or bitterness, obeying and accepting out of Love for Christ.

Don't worry, everything will turn out fine, you can do it. But if you feel that you cannot take it alone, tell me... I can help... Me and you, we can sort it out...

2009-05-13T21:09:00.003+08:00

Day filled with fullness of joy. Sunny.

Do not worry for tomorrow, because by tomorrow you will have tomorrow's troubles which you cannot predict. A day's worries should burden you only for that day...

We are always troubled by our everyday life, grimacing because of yesterday, crying over today and fretting over tomorrow... Why can't we just let go?? Too many things hold onto us and it never let goes... I shan't talk about my results, though I can assure you I am proud of them, regardless of how my classmates fared. Everything's over, just let down and have fun. Thank God for everything you have...
-
I wonder how,
I wonder why,
I wonder where they are,
the days we had,
the songs we sang together...

Knowing secrets has no benefits because you are not supposed to tell it and you must watch you mouth... what a chore!

2009-05-12T20:13:00.003+08:00

What others think of you shouldn't matter much to you...

Day of scandals and entertainment. Rainy...

Whoa, today's outing was like a roller coaster ride. Ha ha, so many twists. I guess some of the content are too explicit to announce on the blog. Everybody was drunk and they were acting abnormal at the table, gaining a false sense of confidence and going crazy. I'm so sure many of them didn't mean it. Things got out of hand and died down with an abrupt moment of silence and awkwardness. So glad I was not drunk, talk about having a drunken commotion in a decent restaurant.

Oh no, don't get the wrong idea. She's so not into you... Haha, you must be dreaming... How can it be possible? Yet the alcohol worked its way into you and you thought you are really that attractive. Pardon me, I think you know it yourself. HAHAHA, but it was really hilarious theway C told me about it...

Now you know. Ironically, it doesn't help at all...

I'm fine with waiting... It doesn't matter at all.

Life cycles, an assumption that hurts. Somethings cannot be like before...

2009-05-11T15:14:00.005+08:00

A bountiful life means there's happiness and agony...
A day of dilemma... Rainy.
-
I don't know, many things change. I just feel that somethings cannot revert back to before...
Just like Great-Granny, just like my enthusiasm in school, just like my past expectations of myself.I've changed too much to understand all of myself now...
-
I'm just so tired... Everything look so distant and new to me... I wish time could backflow, to those times when everything was happy and warm... But I know everything is gone... All I'm left with are sweet memories and a pair of teary eyes... The stars are still glimmering like before...

A man's desire determines the amount of tribulations he is willing to endure...

2009-05-10T20:34:00.005+08:00

Give without remembering, take without forgetting...
A day of frustration. Sunny and yet rainy...
-
Today was really really quirky. We celebrated Mother's day at church. With the men singing praises for mothers in the room and all the children standing outside. How ironic... Things shouldn't be like that. I do not mean to criticize anybody, but that was too rude and uncouth.
I think we were asked to attend the celebration not to be seen out there chatting among ourselves. EVEN if you don't like it, you should go in and grace the event. Stop the act of being cool and indifferent... It doesn't make me envious nor make me respect you. Oh well, lets not talk about it.
-
I guess remembering sad things are terrible, so I try to forget them. However, somethings are so hard to let go. Well well, I should not torture myself, SAYONARA to troubles (:

-
I should've went to Punggol and visit the beach... I guess it will make me feel better and livelier... Still waiting...

Cry, frown, the things that we hate to do but are always doing...

2009-05-07T19:39:00.003+08:00

I'm always not sleeping well because of many reasons. Yesterday was the first time I did not sleep well because I'm hurt... Haiz, all things have their first time. I try to let it go, but it came back to haunt me during chemistry, chinese exams and it tormented me as I walked to Sis house for cell group...
-
You are not wrong, neither am I. But what you did hurt me alot... I cannot face you without feeling torn within. I do not think its your fault, just let go. It may heal, it may not...

What benefit does A1s bring? What harm does C6s bring?

2009-05-06T21:19:00.003+08:00

I think I'm stressing myself too much. It is indeed burdening me (that 3.0 promotion criteria), in my spirit and body. I'm throwing it away!! In 08, I didn't care about my results and focused on Christ Himself, in other people's point of view, I was slacking too much... It turned out to be a bountiful year full of His grace. In this year, I was too focused on the results, I mugged hard, I slept less, and I left less time for God. What happened? My heart didn't seen to be assured by the effort I put in in studying, neither do my results show my hardwork. It made me bitter and stressed.
Today, I declare that it doesn't matter to me anymore, "Physics was horrendous!!!" "Physics so hard!!!" I don't care anymore. What harm can it bring me if i fail?? Similarly, I do not benefit much from good results. They don't affect my faith, they cannot change my ending in the eternity...
-
I dunno what to say, I didn't mean it... You misunderstood me... My fault...

SCHOOL DAZE

2009-05-04T18:15:00.002+08:00

I've just decided that I just came back from Mexico and I'm down with swine flu...
NO SCS and MATHS for me hahaha!! J-king... But I really do wish SCS can come later...
-
I read a story over a weekend, its called 'Strolling with a snail' :
One day, God asked me to bring a snail for a walk...
I took it to the garden and realized it took like years to travel the distance of one step by my legs...
I tried to push it, I kicked it, I dragged it, I cheered it on and I got frustrated.
Throughout all this, the snail was looking at me, trying to assure me that he was trying his best...
I got too pissed off and I let off the rope and walked behind the snail, letting it crawl at its own pace while I lagged behind...
As I walked, I noticed the dreamy clouds in the sky, the blooming roses and the chirping of the cicadas... Why haven't I noticed this before??
Alas, God asked the snail to bring me for a walk...
-
Life can be very hectic at times, but one should not always be busy and rushed... Stop, slow down and you will notice the beauty of the universe and you can feel the meaning of life...
-
世界最永恒的幸福就是平凡；平凡更是人生中最能长久的拥有...

Who am I to you?

2009-04-30T18:36:00.004+08:00

Haha, did some thinking alone in the past few days... Self evaluation...
What is my status?? I'm finding problems in trying to define it. Many things happened in the past few days and I just find it very distressing. I thought I know who I am...
-
Exams are coming, so buck up guys... Don't give up because no matter whatevr state we are in, we know we are supported by others (:
-
Who am I to you??

Music that expressess or music that wins??

2009-04-21T20:17:00.003+08:00

I shan't name anyone in my posts... But I think all of you should know...
-
What is music to you?? Is it supposed to express our emotions or is it to win awards?? The reflections made by the executives today were painfully unrelenting. You can hear quotes like The judges were unfair, it was a pity we lost GWH, it was controversial as it was the judges' preference...
For goodness sake, just let it go!! Music is subjective!! If music was ever fair, there wouldn't be any distinction in standard or SYF in the first place! You are still focused on us losing the GWH!!! We achieved our goal, we played what we felt, thats good enough and I am proud to say we have done it well!!! Yes, I cried after the performance! Not because I made a mistake, but because I'm proud we've played what we felt!! Therefore, I didn't cry when the results were released!!
Yes, you criticised schools, you said they made noise, you said they won GWH with sound and they were unorthodox and etc. You feel that RVCO played the truest and most real form of music, WHICH IS A DOWNRIGHT ASSUMPTION THAT YOU ARE PRO! The fact is, you being touched by wuti doesn't necessarily mean that the judges will be touched!!! Music is subjective, we play what we felt and it is up to the others to say what they felt. NEVER NEVER EVER think that people will feel what you felt...
I do not wish to defend any schools which you are currently bombing, it is just so meaningless. WAKE UP OF YOUR DREAM AND REFLECT, you may hate their music, but so many others liked it so much that all of us heard someone stand up and shout 好! after their performance...
-
When I first saw you and decided that you can be one of the best, I didn't expected it to be like that...

2009-04-20T19:30:00.002+08:00

Finally it was over... YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But it also made a lot of people emo... Gold was not what they wanted... Haiz... They thought they get it. Get over it, my friends, let it go like the wind, leaving no trace behind... Let everything go like a stream, let it cleanse our heart and our view towards music...

Music is never objective. We cannot expect the judges to give us GWH when we feel that the music was good... Similarly, Chung Cheng deserve a GWH based only on the stand that the Judges liked it, thats good enough! Personally, I loved their song... Doesn't that show that Music is subjective.

Pardon me, the content below is highly controversial and I hope all of you will accept my points...

DO NOT 认命 because it has nothing to do with fate, neither does it have anything to do with 风水 , the problem is with us... Many of us thought that we were everything, they thought we could make the judges cry, they thought we played the song so well, we knew how to portray and express it... Even the person who many people look to as the pro-est got the song wrongly... I do not wish to speak anymore... People criticize ChungCheng as unorthodox and based on quantity not quality... Ask ourselves, do we have their teamwork, do we have suonas that can play that well, percussion that is so professional??

We lost the GWH together, so both you and I have to share the blame. I am not defending myself... We lost as RVCO, but I'm proud that we've been through a lot of things together. So today, I congratulate and thank all those who fought at my side. Thank you...

I dreamed a dream... Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...

2009-04-18T22:12:00.007+08:00

Before I start blogging, I wish to share a new video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg
Believe me, you'll be so touched after watching or listening to Susan Boyle.

Dreamed a dream in time gone by,When hope was high and life, worth living.I dreamed that love would never die,I dreamed that God would be forgiving.
Then I was young and unafraid,And dreams were made and used and wasted.There was no ransom to be paid,No song unsung, no wine, untasted.
But the tigers come at night,With their voices soft as thunder,As they tear your hope apart,And they turn your dream to shame...
And still I dream he'll come to me,That we will live the years together,But there are dreams that cannot be,And there are storms we cannot weather!
I had a dream my life would be So different from this hell I'm living,So different now from what it seemed...Now life has killed the dream I dreamed...
-
I just so happen to be one of the unenthusiastic few who are not feeling any stress for SYF on Monday... Yes, I cried when we played wuti, touched by the music... In reality, I'm still having a stress-free life with no insomnia or anorexia... Haha, Jia you ppl!! Lastly, I do really hope more ppl read up on my interpretation for wuti... It might help u to enjoy wuti better and cry more easily (:

No 风水 can stop the impact of Music, similarly, no 八卦 can make Music better...

2009-04-17T22:06:00.009+08:00

Recently, our family welcomed our seventh member - Popeye!

Haha, he's a golden retriever puppy and he'll be staying with us for six months (:

Jojo and Charles treated him like a mouse, thinking that he'll run away...

Instead, Popeye drop dead on the ground like a dead rat, dozing off within 5seconds...

What a pig! (Like master, like dog)

Today, the music was fab, it was the best we played so far. Everyone had some tears to drop and different people got different people felt different impact. I closed my eyes and I listened, hmm, I seem to hear 王昭君 crying out... It was a marvellous experience. Yes, indeed, it was ultimate...

However, I still have some issues about the practice. Mr. L blamed it on 风水 that choir, band and dance did not get their GWH... He said we screwed up CO room and it was disadvantageous to our SYF. I wonder what will happen if we don't get GWH even with our "天罗地网八卦阵"?? I just feel that Music cannot be stopped by something as unscientific as that. Music is the strongest form of human expression in the world... Nothing can stop its impact and nothing can enhance it except our emotions, our techniques and our bonding... Seriously, of given t he same choice as him, I would've chosen to improve our CO's team effort and strengthen the bonds. That is the true essence of orchestra music, because playing in an orchestra means expressing our emotions as a group...

Five somethings to five somebodies:

1) Good job! You've put in a lot of effort!!

2)You better finish your book! Its overdue for a very very very long time...

3)Teach me history!!! I have no udea what happened to me. Six months ago, I was still teaching you about SBQs and SEQs...

4)You have to hit the tennis ball the moment it hits the ground for the first time!!

5)Do you still remember when was the last time we talked? I lost count... Do you miss me??

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英

是记忆里有味道的风景

午睡操场传来蝉的声音

多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信

因为我们等不到那流星

认真投决定命运的硬币

却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定

那样清晰

打过勾的我相信

说好要一起旅行

是你如今

唯一坚持的任性

在走廊上罚站打手心

我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓

我去到哪里你都跟很紧

很多的梦在等待着进行

一起长大的约定

那样真心

与你聊不完的曾经

而我已经分不清

你是友情还是错过的爱情

Life is like a glass of Johnie Walker, it burns, it is bitter, yet it brings sweetness and bliss in the end...

2009-04-15T18:59:00.004+08:00

Today was kinda busy...
School was as boring as usual, save for the IU quiz, haha, that was like a joke.
Minds was very slack, we walked around and talked to the volunteers, planning our plans ahead and playing POKEMON on the phone (I felt so ostracized...) In the end, everybody was tired so we all slept on the train :)
-
I'm running out of subjects to post on...
I do not wish to talk about CO anymore, not that I have nothing to say about it.
Haha, I learnt something new...
Saying fewer words make me bored, but they keep me safe and not spammed or flamed...

Music is everywhere, it only whether if you can feel it

2009-04-14T21:29:00.004+08:00

CO today was funny, maybe even weird because I see parts of the people being fully into the performance, while the other part was like, "No Feel"... I have no commets about that, just starting to realize that music is everywhere, it only depends on whether you choose to accept it...

I was a little to brief on the wu ti interpretation for the last part, but I do hope I brought out the general idea of the song, I hope all my viewers (pathetic few) can understand and enjoy it more...

The music didn't stop when we ended practice, it had already ended when we consider ourselves capable of representing it...

2009-04-13T21:06:00.002+08:00

I do not mean to criticize anybody, but the practice today really affected me a lot. I started to see that we can never play WUTI well enough, because we always had the feeling that we can make the judges cry with our current performance and we think we played out what the composer thought... We were, we are and we will be wrong. I'm sorry, but I mean it... From the way D interpreted it, I understood why we wouldn't get wuti... We had never understood what wuti meant...
-
Pardon my crude and straightforward expression above, I'm not scolding anyone, I just posted what I felt... I try to interpret wuti in my point of view, I hope it will help my fellow CO mates to know wu ti better??

Imagine a girl, leaving her mother, her family and her motherland for the distant barbaric lands for the goodwill between the two countries (like 王昭君)...

In my point of view, the first part is about her emotional dilemma and sadness as she thought about leaving everything she was familiar to, entering a faraway realm of darkness...
But she know she was going for her country, she was to sacrifice for her people... It was going to be her last night and thus the emotional distress is very significant...

The first 快板 ( Allegro) is about her remembering her childhood, all those friends she had, her parents and all the fond memories... The image of that can be a group of children chasing a kite in a vast field, and they ran faster and faster... Finally the Allegro ends with the girl getting the kite, and it fades out like those in drama serials...

F major brings out a mild, joyful mood. The scene starts off as spring approaches, cherry blossom trees and peonies decorates the courtyard... Birds begin chirping on the trees as the morning dew and melting water droplets drip off the branches...
G major lifts the mood of the piece into a scene full with hope and beauty, depicting greatness and grandness. The girl had became more demure and is now a beautiful lady... She was the jewel of the family, the pride of her family... She now has a lover, a young chap across the street...
At this time, the dizi ends and the tanbo enters... Back form her reminiscence, it is time for her to leave. The carriage arranged for her had arrived. She steps out of her house, dressed up with grace and dignity...

For 母亲, she hugs on to her mother and sobs, she knows that will be the last time she will see her mother. Her sweet memories with her mother at this moment overflows from her heart... All those happy things shared between them, things that they went through together...

高胡 solo shows that she left, tears still flowing down her cheek, she rushed out of the door onto the carriage, never to return. She was sad and torn, crying as she watch her carriage left the city, going out into the desert, out into the foreign lands

The last part shows her full of vision and hope as she renews her faith in her mission and sets off with a determination to accomplish her job. She rushes off to her destination with high morale and optimism. This finale portrays the heroine heaing into the the unpredictable future.
-
The end

Technique and Dynamics, they are not everything...

2009-04-11T21:36:00.003+08:00

So I was reading my junior's blog, She refused to blog on tdy's practice to minimize conflict. I guess she's right, but the prob is, I am not bothered by that at all. PPL, I'll just blog what I think, and ignore what others feel...
-
Umm, a Pro-JC vs my RVJC, the things were quite the same, but it was rather obvious that they were lacking in emotions compared to RV... JC section. For the secondary schools, the schools other than RV were not bad, but I can tell they definitely win us in emotions and passion for music. Yes, we have the professionalism (somewhat), the technique, the dynamics, but we certainly lack the passion for music, we don't have the basic pursue for touching music...
-
I'm sorry, I did not have the intention to criticize or demoralize you... Well, in my point of view, you have already done too well to be picked on. Its just that, I thought you wanted to do even better! Something that can make you outshine others. Its ok, I think I know what you want now... I'll keep quiet??

Beauty and Excellence does not necessary indicate perfection, but blood, tears and effort put in...

2009-04-09T16:50:00.008+08:00

Recently i watched a video, I think I was very touched...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nw0s4C0g5SM
I think some of you may have watched it, but I really thought it was very meaningful...
-
Beauty does not really mean perfection... Neither does excellence...
The concert band got Silver for SYF,
SHE said it was not good, SHE said they didn't try their best, BECAUSE, they didn't get Gold or GOH. That was downright cruelty and the manslaughter of the Band's hardwork and effort. They got the Silver with their blood and tears, they tried their best, IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT. Even a bystander like me can see that they put in a lot of effort! The band certainly tried their best! To all those in band, be brave, you have done nothing to deserve humiliation. Be proud, you've tried your best. Be happy, because it's over and there'll be no more stress. Be strong, you've left a legacy behind. Be confident, I'm sure you're the best, heck care what SHE said...
-
Haiz, through this, I like to present my case against the SYF. For many years, I've been asked the same question - Why am I so critical of joining SYF? SYF is a rejection of personal music representation. I believe that music cannot be gauged, not by marks at least. By forcing people to adhere to YOUR definition of excellent music in order to get GOH, the system has actually banned all other forms of music expression. Music is subjective, just like how I often felt that the music CO played was silver standard (no offense...) and not Gold, let alone Gold with Honours. How do we even play music that is touching when we are trained to be robots??
-
Am really worthy of that? What was meant to be a compliment actually turned to be quite hurting...

Carelessness is no longer in my dictionary, it is in my definition...

2009-04-06T21:25:00.003+08:00

Haiz, I officially declare that I'm a careless person.

I try my best for everything, but I am just so careless that everything I do cannot be satisfying (to me)... I am not a failure, but sometimes I really think that I have a 50% screw up rate...

Let me just lie down for a while... I need some rest... I'm too tired...

Smiles cannot resolve a conflict, but it does make the interaction more cordial and less bitter...

2009-04-05T21:00:00.005+08:00

"WOW, you have swollen eyes!!!"

"Shut up."

Haha, I thought this day will never come...

But after reflecting, yes, I didn't get much sleep recently.

A lot of commitments recently...

I am so tired,

I guess I need more rest.

Good News to all those who find me over-energetic, full of spasm, crazy, disobedient and haughty - A tired dog is a good dog :)

I shall progress on to SYF and slack all the way after that.

15 more days...

I'm tired.

2009-04-01T22:00:00.004+08:00

Ok, whatever, I am wrong. I guess saying bad things won't get me anywhere... Haha, yes, I'm sorry, but I'm certainly not egoistic... No idea about what to say because, being scolded only ends up to either silence or a violent explosion. Yes, I'll keep that in check, I'll keep quiet. It doesn't matter any more on who's right or who's wrong, just let it die down. Okie, I didn't wanna join SYF, she doesn't want me to join SYF, two negatives make a positive :D For the time being, I better pray hard that RVCO gets Gold with Honours, 19 more days, JY!!!
>>Nerd
I get your outburst but, please, don't scold anyone else... It doesn't show that you are more correct. Sorry If I offended anybody... I welcome you to tag with your name, I dun mind...
-
Thats it. Done.

Earth Hour

2009-03-28T22:17:00.003+08:00

It was earth hour and I looked around and tried to count the number of families doing it in the neighbourhood. I realised it was so few that i could count it with my fingers... After all the talk about saving mother earth, what a disappointment...
-
If I wanted to join syf, I would have took it away from one of the yr 3 yangqins. Haiz, I still have to go in the end, as a percussionist...
-
Friends are forever, its just a matter of closeness...

A birthday signifies, a new year, a new phase and a wonderful beginning...

2009-03-14T20:44:00.005+08:00

Happy Bdae Chung Lok and Kai yan :)

CL, I hope you like your Birthday cake...

Anyway, behold, here's the shirt i bought for him...

Haha, I love the shirt so much I wanted it myself :)

A crazy day...

2009-03-12T22:18:00.004+08:00

Crazy day with crazy ppl...

C turned so freakin horny at MINDS today. He was like, humping, on a side note, the cool cucumber turned horny...

Furthermore, the facilitating of Friendship day became, a chiobu hunt :)

Haha, I was so awkward as I was the only one disinterested...

Come on, dun be so horny...

Haha, after that we went for dinner with J and M, and took neo prints :D

Stupid neo prints, I was so freaking ugly and stupid.

Oh, how i hate tt game of shoot shag marry...

Be good, listen, I try to come ok?

A glorious past is like a porcelain blade cutting into one's hand, slow, fatal pain...

2009-03-07T17:48:00.002+08:00

Kong
我　
我沒有害過人只想失戀也有名份
我　太樂意獻一吻
為甚麼這溫柔會犯禁
若你我可抱著睡　
連命也甘心短幾歲
誰能及我　將性命也豁出去
若與你好有罪　
全是律例不對
我要追　離棄世界亦要追
＊寧願天去收我　
也替你受重傷　
金剛跟美女戀上　
也是個傳奇狂想　
縱是遺憾收場　
都必需跟你　
明刀明槍　
子彈不怕上　
一級級上塔尖欣賞　
欣賞你憂傷
＊就算你早有別人　
無礙我爭取夢中人扶搖直上　
高到共你能擁吻別說到太高深　
能自願便相襯夠決心　
越中箭我越勇敢
REPEAT＊
不屑　
不信　
不怕　
打擊更令我堅強
這縱是妄想　
能得到你給舉世景仰
我有我夢與想　
多高攀也敢攀上
這份愛傳奇無雙縱是遺憾收場　
都必需跟你明刀明槍　
子彈不怕上
一級級上塔尖欣賞
苦命人　
相擁俯看　
世上風霜
-
I finished Cry Me a Sad River (悲伤-逆流成河）...
I didn't cry...
Because I'm already too emo to cry...
-
I don't know how to address you, you longer refer to me as your XXX...
I didn't run away from opportunities, I didn't.
You took them away from me.
I didn't care, I had SC...
AND...
After all the hard work, DISCO was disbanded...
At a critical moment, they appointed excos like a game,
Excos with Gfs (haiz...)
I'm sorry, I cannot bear to look on...
SO I was left with nothing.
Its been 3 years since I stepped on stage,
Crosstalk, Story Telling, Emcee...
yet the glamorous past is just like a blade,
stabbing into my heart...
-
I saw you, and you saw me, not even a smile was seen between us. Why??I guess I have only myself to blame...

School Daze

2009-03-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

School today was a daze, I kind of slacked through all the lessons... CCA is slacky too, though it took a lot of effort to teach my juniors...
Anyway, today can be summarised with a word - rest.
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Its gonna change soon, I have loads of things waiting for me to do, starting from monday. Her Majesty told me that my 1/2 year holiday is over and its time for business. Haiz, it passed that quickly...
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Nope, I didn't drive mr nice outta you. You distorted my view. I asked you be a passive competitor not a scheming intruder. Remember, I never agree to breaking ppl up... Never.

Actions speak louder than words

2009-03-03T21:40:00.002+08:00

Yes, today is the day where people finally stopped crapping and started doing!!!
Its the time where people really do work :)
No more slacking...
Suddenly I feel so energetic...
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Am I shot? I should be quite a hard target. Quite a long time since I became his victim...